Oh I feel so useless and feel that I'm the most unluckiest person on earth.
Sometimes I just feel like ending my life. It's so embrassing to have gotten a degree and not being successful in any single interview. Will I be rejected because of my poor grades in school? But I put in a lot of effort for this degree. I have been searching for a suitable job since Jan 08 and till now have not been successful. Some people have all the luck in the world. I feel that I'm very unlucky. I messed up my whole life by choosing the wrong life partner 2x. First one lasted for only 3 months and 2nd one for 1yr. I have caused embarrassment for my family and relatives. I have been the subject of ridicule all these years. Will life be smooth sailing for me from now onwards? I doubt so. If it has been so difficult and I'm used to it, will God allow the sudden change in my life? He'd rather give happiness to those in need more than me. I'm too old for any happiness.
I'm so disillussioned to the extent that I do not have the urge to see E. It has been more that a month since I saw him. I do not want to infect him with my ill luck.
Every incident in life is a lesson learnt. I've learnt that life outside is so harsh.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Why I Should Leave
Reasons why I should leave my current job
1. Whenever the photocopier jams, they call me.
2. Whenever the printer gets jammed, they call me.
3. Whenever they need stationary requisition, they call me.
4. Whenever they need to do car park reservation, they call me (when they can do it themselves)
5. Whenever they need to do meeting room reservation, they call me (when they can do it themselves)
6. Whever a new staff is introduced, I'm bypassed and the HR staff would go on looking for other officers (graduate level only) to introduce them to. Am I transparent or am I part of the furniture in the office?
7. There is this senior officer who called all other Indians for a temple prayer but left me out just because last year I ignored her invitation for her temple prayer. It's sad but I have to take it with a pinch of salt.
8. The PA here does not go on leave when her boss is away. She ensures that she comes to work when her boss is away so that she can shake legs. She chooses to go on leave when boss is in the office the whole day. When I cover the PA I notice that the most busiest period is when the boss is in when boss needs to make calls and take calls.
9.PA comes claims to come in at 7.30am when her boss arrives only at 9.30am. PA shakes legs from 7.30am till 9.30am and then goes back home at 4.30pm. From 4.30 onwards, almost everyday people assume that I cover her, which is unfair as this would mean that I cover her almost every day.
10. I just got my 2nd divorce and I need to submit the doc to HR division. If I do that, this will make tongues wag and I will be the subject of gossip. I just wish it would be timely for me to leave so that I can start fresh in a new organisation.
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1. Whenever the photocopier jams, they call me.
2. Whenever the printer gets jammed, they call me.
3. Whenever they need stationary requisition, they call me.
4. Whenever they need to do car park reservation, they call me (when they can do it themselves)
5. Whenever they need to do meeting room reservation, they call me (when they can do it themselves)
6. Whever a new staff is introduced, I'm bypassed and the HR staff would go on looking for other officers (graduate level only) to introduce them to. Am I transparent or am I part of the furniture in the office?
7. There is this senior officer who called all other Indians for a temple prayer but left me out just because last year I ignored her invitation for her temple prayer. It's sad but I have to take it with a pinch of salt.
8. The PA here does not go on leave when her boss is away. She ensures that she comes to work when her boss is away so that she can shake legs. She chooses to go on leave when boss is in the office the whole day. When I cover the PA I notice that the most busiest period is when the boss is in when boss needs to make calls and take calls.
9.PA comes claims to come in at 7.30am when her boss arrives only at 9.30am. PA shakes legs from 7.30am till 9.30am and then goes back home at 4.30pm. From 4.30 onwards, almost everyday people assume that I cover her, which is unfair as this would mean that I cover her almost every day.
10. I just got my 2nd divorce and I need to submit the doc to HR division. If I do that, this will make tongues wag and I will be the subject of gossip. I just wish it would be timely for me to leave so that I can start fresh in a new organisation.
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Monday, July 7, 2008
What a Quirky World
Yesterday, 6 July, M. called me to say that she is successful for the teaching post, but she knows nuts about teaching poetry and prose. It's very painful to know that such people get trusted for such jobs whereas I, who is so much better than her, get booted out just like that. I'm so sad that I cried. I feel useless now. I don't feel like going for my graduation this October. What's the point when no one recognises the effort I've put in all these years. A friend told me it's because of my pint size that I did not get the teaching job. I've had enough to blame myself and to add on, now, I've got to blame myself for having born small and not getting the job as my size gives others an impression that I'm not suited for the job.
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