I was called for interview on 27 June and a second interview on 4 July. I've not heard from them since then. I think they are considering some others for this post, although I have not received any e-mail for rejecting me. I feel so lousy and useless. I know I am talented buy how else can I prove myself; I do not know.
How nice would it be to work in a nice organisation as compared to where I am working now, in a place where people are so cold towards one another. I feel so small and useless.
I am reading a fiction entitled, "Harvesting the Heart" by Jodi Picoult. It enables me to bring me to an imaginary world and this is an escape for me. I can't find any other way to escape from repeatedly questioning myself if I will be offered the job.
If I get this job, it will be a stepping stone to my success. My current company has undermined my potential despite showing them that I am capable of doing more. I know I have achieved what I had wanted in life. I just want to prove myself that I can do more than what they think I can do.
My parents will be disappointed if I did not get the job and I will be greatly disappointed too. I hate this waiting game.
When I walk alone outside, I see people going to work and think for myself, "these people must have done very well for thier interviews to secure a job of their liking" unlike me. I'm already old and people are hesitating to hire me I guess.
I am thinking of taking up the IELTS and a TESOL or TEFEL to pass my time. Courses after courses, but no one wants to hire me.
I just feel like screaming my heart out and crying till my tears have dried up. This is how much sad I have been all this while.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Beware of Bogus Men On Matrimonial Sites
I have been slowly accepting all that had happened to me in the past one month as a lesson learnt. "A", I found out is a bogus man, all out to cheat women. Luckily, I found this out early using my "head".
Things that gave it away :
a) The scanned copy of this contract was too good to be true. The company that was mentioned in the contract did not exist at all when I googled the company name. This was my first suspicion.
b) Wanted to learn how to drive a boat and buy a boat one day (too good to be true). I was not convinced and was least interested.
c) Wanted to buy a big house in Singapore (I am happy with what I possess here. I am not interested in big houses)- another too good to be true point that I have taken note of.
d) The signatory on the contract, seems to be working in Pakistan when the contract is from a company in Kuwait called KNPC.
e) I googled "male scammers" and found out a lot of information about men posting pictutres of someone else to lure lonely women. I also found out how to track IP Address from the e-mails of these men. I was shocked that I have been corresponding with someone from Lagos, Nigeria all this while, when "A" claims that he is from London.
How could I have been so stupid into believing that he was genuine? Anyway, a part of me was cautious all this while and it was easy to let go suddenly.
I have not corresponded with "A" since finding out that he is bogus. Wonder what sob stories he will come up to abscond money from innocent victims like myself. I'm not into this game. I call it quits and have been ignoring his mails and SMSes.
I hope the picture "A" uses to cheat (of a pleasant looking man and his son) will one day be found out and taken action by the authorities.
Things that gave it away :
a) The scanned copy of this contract was too good to be true. The company that was mentioned in the contract did not exist at all when I googled the company name. This was my first suspicion.
b) Wanted to learn how to drive a boat and buy a boat one day (too good to be true). I was not convinced and was least interested.
c) Wanted to buy a big house in Singapore (I am happy with what I possess here. I am not interested in big houses)- another too good to be true point that I have taken note of.
d) The signatory on the contract, seems to be working in Pakistan when the contract is from a company in Kuwait called KNPC.
e) I googled "male scammers" and found out a lot of information about men posting pictutres of someone else to lure lonely women. I also found out how to track IP Address from the e-mails of these men. I was shocked that I have been corresponding with someone from Lagos, Nigeria all this while, when "A" claims that he is from London.
How could I have been so stupid into believing that he was genuine? Anyway, a part of me was cautious all this while and it was easy to let go suddenly.
I have not corresponded with "A" since finding out that he is bogus. Wonder what sob stories he will come up to abscond money from innocent victims like myself. I'm not into this game. I call it quits and have been ignoring his mails and SMSes.
I hope the picture "A" uses to cheat (of a pleasant looking man and his son) will one day be found out and taken action by the authorities.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
My Trip To An Orphanage In Cambodia
On Saturday, 17 June I visited an orphanage in Cambodia. The children there were trained for cultural performance in the evening while they study during the day. There were approximately 72 children in the orphanage consisting of disabled, unwanted children and children of HIV parent/s.
The school's building had the bare necessities with only one classroom with long wooden tables and benches. The children wore torn clothes but were happy to receive visitors. There were a few Europeans there, who were volunteer English Teachers. The children entertained us with 3 cultural performances and they were fantastic. I made a small donation and asked the Manager there for the kind of items that the orphanage needed. We were told that they needed toiletries and washing powder. We mingled and talked to the children for a while. The children held our hands and refused to let us go. I hugged them to show them that I cared. Some of them said "I love you" and this really touched me.
Immediately the next morning, we woke up early and went to the central market at Siem Reap and bought lots of items like toothpastes, toothbrushes, soaps, bottles of shampoo, body powder and soap powder. The children immediately recognised us and came to us. It was their lunch time then and they had mere rice and vegetable soup for lunch. They were all standing and having their lunch as the ground was muddy due to construction works at the building for a permanent bigger stage for their performance.
My heart went all out to them. I tried to explain to them that I was to leave for S'pore the following day and one of them told me that she wants to accompany me. One girl was trying to tell me something but I think she has difficulty expressing herself in English and withheld what she was about to tell me. If I had the means I do not mind adopting one of them. They were so adorable.
Was trying to recall the amount of food we waste everyday. We have not experienced what poverty is but witnessing the plight of these children has been an eye opener for me. I could not sleep all night for the past few nights.
The children would have seen visitors come and go everyday. Wonder how they will feel if they are emotionally attached to some volunteers but only to see them go. It would be painful for them. I will keep praying for the children to have better, sophisticated lives in future with more donation from the public. I want to go back there again and donate in cash and in kind.
I saw heaven in this orphanage.
By the way, was thinking that before visiting the orphanage, was thinking of "A" most of the time but now, after visiting the orphanage, "A" is not the whole world to me as these under previledged children are in my mind all the time. Even when I take my meals.
The school's building had the bare necessities with only one classroom with long wooden tables and benches. The children wore torn clothes but were happy to receive visitors. There were a few Europeans there, who were volunteer English Teachers. The children entertained us with 3 cultural performances and they were fantastic. I made a small donation and asked the Manager there for the kind of items that the orphanage needed. We were told that they needed toiletries and washing powder. We mingled and talked to the children for a while. The children held our hands and refused to let us go. I hugged them to show them that I cared. Some of them said "I love you" and this really touched me.
Immediately the next morning, we woke up early and went to the central market at Siem Reap and bought lots of items like toothpastes, toothbrushes, soaps, bottles of shampoo, body powder and soap powder. The children immediately recognised us and came to us. It was their lunch time then and they had mere rice and vegetable soup for lunch. They were all standing and having their lunch as the ground was muddy due to construction works at the building for a permanent bigger stage for their performance.
My heart went all out to them. I tried to explain to them that I was to leave for S'pore the following day and one of them told me that she wants to accompany me. One girl was trying to tell me something but I think she has difficulty expressing herself in English and withheld what she was about to tell me. If I had the means I do not mind adopting one of them. They were so adorable.
Was trying to recall the amount of food we waste everyday. We have not experienced what poverty is but witnessing the plight of these children has been an eye opener for me. I could not sleep all night for the past few nights.
The children would have seen visitors come and go everyday. Wonder how they will feel if they are emotionally attached to some volunteers but only to see them go. It would be painful for them. I will keep praying for the children to have better, sophisticated lives in future with more donation from the public. I want to go back there again and donate in cash and in kind.
I saw heaven in this orphanage.
By the way, was thinking that before visiting the orphanage, was thinking of "A" most of the time but now, after visiting the orphanage, "A" is not the whole world to me as these under previledged children are in my mind all the time. Even when I take my meals.
"A" Has Gone MIA
Read all "A"'s mails when I got back from my vacation. He is such a sweet man. He informed me in one of his mails that he clinched the contract. He even sent me a scanned copy of the contract. Isn't that sweet of him? Don't worry, I'll not easily fall for his wealth as God has made me self sufficient and it is enough for me. I want to soar higher but the extra cash will go to charity. He claimed to have dreams of buying a boat and a big house for his son to play. I'll not be lured into such material wealth but will be happy for him if he realises his dreams.
By the way, all my SMSes and e-mails are unanswered after he got the contract. Do not know why. Let's wait and see. Or else, this friend is also bogus I guess. I'm prepared but I won't be affected. I'll be sad but can pick myself up. I'm a strong woman.
There are so many things to be sad about. This relationship is not worth dying for.
By the way, all my SMSes and e-mails are unanswered after he got the contract. Do not know why. Let's wait and see. Or else, this friend is also bogus I guess. I'm prepared but I won't be affected. I'll be sad but can pick myself up. I'm a strong woman.
There are so many things to be sad about. This relationship is not worth dying for.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Familiar Voice in "A"
Spoke to "A" twice already. His voice sounds familiar. It sounds like I've heard his voice before and the way he talks seems familiar too. In our past lifes were we a couple? Have I been single all along to wait for someone like "A"?
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Will Everything Work Out?
Will everything work out or will he say "this will not work" when he sees me? Well, this was what happened to me when St@*&%E told me that this will not work out when I was willing to give it a try. If at all he does not want me, I know for sure that it is my height as we are not compatible when it comes to height. Other than that, I can't think of any reason for this mission to fail. Unless he has high expectations.
This whole thing is so stressful. But I have grown stronger. This morning "J" told me that I will feel sad if it does not work out. I told her I am ready to face it and will be able to take it or will I?. I mean no harm to anyone so if he rejects me, my wishes will always be with him for him to be with a wonderful woman of his dreams. He deserves it.
This whole thing is so stressful. But I have grown stronger. This morning "J" told me that I will feel sad if it does not work out. I told her I am ready to face it and will be able to take it or will I?. I mean no harm to anyone so if he rejects me, my wishes will always be with him for him to be with a wonderful woman of his dreams. He deserves it.
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Wonderful Man "A"
By the way, I did not dump "M" but found his mails weird. One day, he suddenly told me that he is in New Zealand for his business and wanted my address. Sorry, but I barely know him. How can I give him my address? I refused to give him my address and got his number, but I have not called him yet. I don't think I ever want to write to him again as I think "M" is not genuine.
I then met "A" from England. He is so cheerful and makes me smile and even laugh. We chatted once and he seemed nice. Receiving mails from him just makes me happy and I look forward to his mails. I admire him for single handedly raising his son whom he dotes on. I'm already having feelings for him and hope everything works out well. He is coming soon to visit me and hope God shows mercy on me this time and wipe out the lonliness in me. I know that by exchanging mails and chatting we are creating an imaginary world, but why can't we transform the imaginary world into reality when both of us a honest, truthful and serious?
To all those who are reading this, please say a prayer for me that it will work out.
I know this is not of utmost importance to you as there are so many people out there who are really in need of a prayer to heal a soul in some way or other, but if you were in my shoes, you will know how it feels when you are lonely. I've been lonely for years and this whole thing has been making me happy. Will my happiness be an everlasting one this time? Or will be vanished just like the previous times? These are the questions that I keep asking now for which I cannot find answers. I will keep praying for strength to take whatever comes along the way, be it happiness and disappointment. Well, what else will I do? shed tears for a few days and life goes on as usual. Hope it is as easy as it sounds.
I then met "A" from England. He is so cheerful and makes me smile and even laugh. We chatted once and he seemed nice. Receiving mails from him just makes me happy and I look forward to his mails. I admire him for single handedly raising his son whom he dotes on. I'm already having feelings for him and hope everything works out well. He is coming soon to visit me and hope God shows mercy on me this time and wipe out the lonliness in me. I know that by exchanging mails and chatting we are creating an imaginary world, but why can't we transform the imaginary world into reality when both of us a honest, truthful and serious?
To all those who are reading this, please say a prayer for me that it will work out.
I know this is not of utmost importance to you as there are so many people out there who are really in need of a prayer to heal a soul in some way or other, but if you were in my shoes, you will know how it feels when you are lonely. I've been lonely for years and this whole thing has been making me happy. Will my happiness be an everlasting one this time? Or will be vanished just like the previous times? These are the questions that I keep asking now for which I cannot find answers. I will keep praying for strength to take whatever comes along the way, be it happiness and disappointment. Well, what else will I do? shed tears for a few days and life goes on as usual. Hope it is as easy as it sounds.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Matrimonial Website
I joined this particular matrimonial website thinking that I could find someone nice. I did not post my photograph as I did not want the whole world to know that I am in search of a soulmate. Since there are no photographs, my chances are slim and I know it. It has almost been a month since joining as member and I have not gotten any response.
Two days ago there a man from Canada wrote to me to say that he liked my profile and we should communicate further. Ok, I thought why not..and let's give it a try. I thought, ok, there is finally a man who is not interested in how I look but seemed to be interested in my profile. I thought this man could be interesting to get to know. Yesterday, to my utter disappointment, he sent me a long list of questionaire to fill in in order to get to know me. Some of the questions that he asked was, "What is your favourite colour?", "What is the colour of your eyes?" "How do you solve conflicts?" "Would you give me a chance?" My excitement went down the drain after reading the list of questions. He claims that he could get to know me more if I answered the questions.
I totally disagree in throwing a list of questionaire at your partner in order to get to know her. It is so formal. I can just give him a bunch of lies and impress him. It is not as good as meeting the person or communicating with the person in order to get to know his partner.
Life is not predictable. I can say that communication resolves conflicts but I feel that it all depends on the type of problem and the situation that both of you are in and you have to handle certain problem tactfully or else, the relationship would be detrimental.
Ummm let's see how it goes..excitement has gone down the drain..and I will give up on my seach as it does not seem to be working for me.
Two days ago there a man from Canada wrote to me to say that he liked my profile and we should communicate further. Ok, I thought why not..and let's give it a try. I thought, ok, there is finally a man who is not interested in how I look but seemed to be interested in my profile. I thought this man could be interesting to get to know. Yesterday, to my utter disappointment, he sent me a long list of questionaire to fill in in order to get to know me. Some of the questions that he asked was, "What is your favourite colour?", "What is the colour of your eyes?" "How do you solve conflicts?" "Would you give me a chance?" My excitement went down the drain after reading the list of questions. He claims that he could get to know me more if I answered the questions.
I totally disagree in throwing a list of questionaire at your partner in order to get to know her. It is so formal. I can just give him a bunch of lies and impress him. It is not as good as meeting the person or communicating with the person in order to get to know his partner.
Life is not predictable. I can say that communication resolves conflicts but I feel that it all depends on the type of problem and the situation that both of you are in and you have to handle certain problem tactfully or else, the relationship would be detrimental.
Ummm let's see how it goes..excitement has gone down the drain..and I will give up on my seach as it does not seem to be working for me.
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
How Nice It Would Be If........
How nice would it be if I had someone to talk to when I reach home from work.
How nice would it be if I could cook together with him, exchanging stories with him at the same time.
How nice would it be if I could watch TV with him after a hard day's work.
How nice would it be if I could cuddle with him in bed and relax every night.
How nice would it be if I could be brought out often for shopping or movie
How nice would it be if I could go to the seaside with him for a stroll and steal romantic kisses with him.
How nice would it be if I could go for long/short getaways to places that I've never been to before.
How nice would it be if I could share a book with him and discuss our views on the book.
How nice would it be if I could be treated like a queen.
How nice would it be if he treated me for what I am.
How nice would it be if he told me that looks do not matter.
How nice would it be if he contributed to the household chores.
How nice would it be if my opinions mattered to him.
How nice would it be if he was honest.
How nice would it be if he was humble.
How nice would it be if he was wise.
How nice would it be if I could look up to him for advise.
How nice would it be if he loved dogs just like me.
How nice would it be if I could eat all the fabulous food and never get fat.
How nice would it be if I could take all the alchohol and never get drunk.
How nice would it be if I could be as tall as super models.
How nice would it be if I was as pretty as Aishwariya Rai.
How nice would it be if I could afford to buy upmarket goods like some of them out there.
How nice would it be if animals could talk.
How nice would it be if people forgive and forget.
How nice would it be if people were not mean to each other.
How nice would it be if terminally ill children can be cured miraculously.
How nice would it be if cheaters, sinners, liers and womenisers were punished instantly.
How nice would it be if there is peace and love every where in the world.
Oh How nice would it be if God was to appear in front of me and told me that everything was ok and all that I have wished for will come true!
How nice would it be if I could cook together with him, exchanging stories with him at the same time.
How nice would it be if I could watch TV with him after a hard day's work.
How nice would it be if I could cuddle with him in bed and relax every night.
How nice would it be if I could be brought out often for shopping or movie
How nice would it be if I could go to the seaside with him for a stroll and steal romantic kisses with him.
How nice would it be if I could go for long/short getaways to places that I've never been to before.
How nice would it be if I could share a book with him and discuss our views on the book.
How nice would it be if I could be treated like a queen.
How nice would it be if he treated me for what I am.
How nice would it be if he told me that looks do not matter.
How nice would it be if he contributed to the household chores.
How nice would it be if my opinions mattered to him.
How nice would it be if he was honest.
How nice would it be if he was humble.
How nice would it be if he was wise.
How nice would it be if I could look up to him for advise.
How nice would it be if he loved dogs just like me.
How nice would it be if I could eat all the fabulous food and never get fat.
How nice would it be if I could take all the alchohol and never get drunk.
How nice would it be if I could be as tall as super models.
How nice would it be if I was as pretty as Aishwariya Rai.
How nice would it be if I could afford to buy upmarket goods like some of them out there.
How nice would it be if animals could talk.
How nice would it be if people forgive and forget.
How nice would it be if people were not mean to each other.
How nice would it be if terminally ill children can be cured miraculously.
How nice would it be if cheaters, sinners, liers and womenisers were punished instantly.
How nice would it be if there is peace and love every where in the world.
Oh How nice would it be if God was to appear in front of me and told me that everything was ok and all that I have wished for will come true!
Monday, April 18, 2011
My Attempt At A Matrimonial Site
I wanted to give it a try at Shaadi since it was reported that Shaadi matrimonial site has succeeded in its mission in uniting singles around the world.
This man by the name of "Je..f" wrote to me expressing interest. Saw his profile and was interested in his profile. He claimed to be honest and had so much to talk about love and trust etc. in all his mails to me. He had called me on a few occassions and his accent was different. Once he told me that he is from Scotland and hence has an accent. Then the other day, he told me he is from Spain. Now, which is real? "Je..f" sent his picture and I was attracted to his looks. His mails were so convincing but then I realised that his company name does not exist. I kept this to myself as I thought not to blow it up too soon. Then on Friday, 15 Apr, I asked him to go online for a chat. He specified the time but he never came online for a chat. I waited for 2 whole hours but he never came. I called him the next day and there was no form of apology. His friend answered the call. "Je..f" told me that he could not come online as he had friends come over and was in a hurry to end my call abruptly.
On Saturday, 16 April, noticed that "Je..f" finally added me in his contacts. However, this morning when I was checking my mails, I found out that he was online for hours. I sent him a message, but he quickly went offline. Then he came online again most probably busy chatting with someone else. I got so disappointed by am playing the game with him. I'm not interested in "Je..f" anymore. I have a feeling that "Je..f" is an impersonator. Wonder why these people find joy in playing with women's hearts. Don't they have any mothers or sisters? What if they were hurt by other men the same way? How will they take it if it happened to their own family members? Heartless idiots.
No more matrimonial sites for me. I'd rather be single and rot than get acquainted with such men and be miserable my whole life.
This man by the name of "Je..f" wrote to me expressing interest. Saw his profile and was interested in his profile. He claimed to be honest and had so much to talk about love and trust etc. in all his mails to me. He had called me on a few occassions and his accent was different. Once he told me that he is from Scotland and hence has an accent. Then the other day, he told me he is from Spain. Now, which is real? "Je..f" sent his picture and I was attracted to his looks. His mails were so convincing but then I realised that his company name does not exist. I kept this to myself as I thought not to blow it up too soon. Then on Friday, 15 Apr, I asked him to go online for a chat. He specified the time but he never came online for a chat. I waited for 2 whole hours but he never came. I called him the next day and there was no form of apology. His friend answered the call. "Je..f" told me that he could not come online as he had friends come over and was in a hurry to end my call abruptly.
On Saturday, 16 April, noticed that "Je..f" finally added me in his contacts. However, this morning when I was checking my mails, I found out that he was online for hours. I sent him a message, but he quickly went offline. Then he came online again most probably busy chatting with someone else. I got so disappointed by am playing the game with him. I'm not interested in "Je..f" anymore. I have a feeling that "Je..f" is an impersonator. Wonder why these people find joy in playing with women's hearts. Don't they have any mothers or sisters? What if they were hurt by other men the same way? How will they take it if it happened to their own family members? Heartless idiots.
No more matrimonial sites for me. I'd rather be single and rot than get acquainted with such men and be miserable my whole life.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
What's Happening In My Life Now
I have not posted on my blog for a long time because nothing exceptional is happening in my life now. Have just been promoted but am not happy with the place I am working in. My tenants have just moved out and have lost that part of the income. Just went for a full health screening and was told that I need to reduce some weight as my weight is not proportionate to my height. So have been deligently going for jogging and walking in the evenings after work and have been watching what I eat. No problem so far. Let's see.
For those of you who take diet pills, please don't. I took diet pills once and lost weight tremendously. I did serious exercises and took the pill as well. I looked so good for a while, but after that, put on weight tremendously. So those of you who plan to take diet pills, please abandon that idea as they are not useful. I also have this ugly cellulite that I do not know how to get rid of. Saw Oprah Winfrey show once and according to the programme, it seems cellulites are difficult to get rid of.
For those of you who take diet pills, please don't. I took diet pills once and lost weight tremendously. I did serious exercises and took the pill as well. I looked so good for a while, but after that, put on weight tremendously. So those of you who plan to take diet pills, please abandon that idea as they are not useful. I also have this ugly cellulite that I do not know how to get rid of. Saw Oprah Winfrey show once and according to the programme, it seems cellulites are difficult to get rid of.
Mother Jumps Down 12 Storey With Her Child
I Have been upset after reading this news on Saturday, 16 April 2011, in the Straits Times. Just don't understand how a mother can be so cruel to take the life of her own daughter, just because she chose to die. Tears welled up in my eyes when I read how a passerby was with the child during her last few minutes. The girl was in pain and was gasping for breath. I can imagine how it must have been for the little girl.
Why did the mother take the poor child with her when she decided to end her own life? Why didn't the mother think twice before taking the leap together with her daughter? Yes, I understand that she must have had problems or even she may be mentally unstable. This poor child has a bright future ahead of her. She would have dreams and aspirations just like you and me; but it just ended abruptly because of her mother's stupid decision.
To all those mothers who decides that suicide is the only solution, please spare your child. Your child is innocent and he/she does not deserve dying at a young age.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I Need Mental Strength Now
I feel so lousy and embarassed with the whole blind date incident. It was unlikely of me to call someone 3 to 4 times to talk to a man; and I did just that for the sake of my friend and aunt, only to find out that I was found unsuitable by St**E.
After not getting a response from Aunt, I should have let it go. It was JehBeh who pesterd me to call him to show interest. Now, I feel that I seemed desperate for him when he is not interested. My ego has been crushed!
Hope I can get over it quickly. Was upset the whole night and morning and work up with a puffy eye and headache.
Now am feeling a bit better. Went for office reunion lunch and had some good Chinese food. My mind has not been at ease since last night as so many -ve thoughts are running in my mind. What is wrong with me? My only flaw is my height. It is God given and am unable to do anything about it.
Hope to be occupied with other things so that I can put behind the whole incident. What a terrible way to begin the year!
After not getting a response from Aunt, I should have let it go. It was JehBeh who pesterd me to call him to show interest. Now, I feel that I seemed desperate for him when he is not interested. My ego has been crushed!
Hope I can get over it quickly. Was upset the whole night and morning and work up with a puffy eye and headache.
Now am feeling a bit better. Went for office reunion lunch and had some good Chinese food. My mind has not been at ease since last night as so many -ve thoughts are running in my mind. What is wrong with me? My only flaw is my height. It is God given and am unable to do anything about it.
Hope to be occupied with other things so that I can put behind the whole incident. What a terrible way to begin the year!
A Mis-match That Went Wrong (Nothing New To Me)
Finally I got to meet St**E from Australia through my aunt and her sister. BUT there is a problem! I'm 42 and he is 57. I'm petite and he is bigger than me (not huge though).
The reason I agreed to be introduced to him was mainly because both my aunt and her sis strongly recomended St**E as they told me that he is a nice man. If it was some others, I would have flatly refused this meeting. I just needed a companion to do things together with and there was no other motive behind this meet up.
My First Impression of St**E
Well, he looked good for me. Does not look old for his age. He was quiet throughout. St**ve then brought me aside and asked me how old I was. I then told him my age and he admitted that he was married once and has a 30 year old daughter and two grandchildren. I too told him about my past marriage (I could have told him in a flippant manner as it happened 13 years ago). To this, he told me that I must have enjoyed my marriage a lot. I told him that I had a terrible time during the whole duration of my marriage as it was arranged and am not going to have another arranged marriage again. I did not want to dwell too much on my past marriage as it will still upset me and I will get emotional.
I did not mind him having a daughter and grandchildren as his daughter can be my friend.
I was impressed with St**e because he did not consume alchohol. But he was quiet throughout and it was "J" and her hubby who sounded encouraging and enthusiastic the whole time. What lovely people, I thought, as they were trying very hard to pair both of us up.
At Shangrila St**E and I talked for only a short while on what he does during his free time. What impressed me most was when he mentioned doing social work when he is free.
I did not mind the age gap as I wanted to give it a try as I always wanted to get to know someone older as I will be able to receive good advice from him on many things.
Before we left, aunt and "j" asked me to call him and talk to him to get to know him. I did just that the next day on 24 Jan. I messaged "J" to ask St**E to call me when he is free (messaged in the morning) but there was no response the whole day. I became suspicious. I called her at 6pm and my call went unanswered. Aunt "J" returned my call at about 8pm on 24 Jan but I was not around to answer the call and was too tired to call her back and there were no calls from her after that. As usual, I had a gut feeling that something was not right as it was unusual of aunt "J" to ignore my message and call.
I then called her at 5pm the next day on 25 Jan to ask St**E to call me in the evening. Aunt "J" sounded hesitant but she agreed and he called me at about 9pm. He told me that he is uncomfortable with the huge age gap and he does not think it will work out. I told him that I do not mind but he told me that the age gap between me and his daughter is close.
I have to respect his wishes and told him that we can still be friends. He told me somethings after that but my mind just went blank and I had to end the conversation quickly as prolonging the conversation will not get anywhere, especially when only one side is willing to try.
Why didn't aunt tell me earlier when she knew St**e's decision. At least I could have been prepared.
I respect St**E for the decision as he is not the usual "chee koh pek" man we meet in Singapore. I still wonder why aunt "J" did not even msg me earlier on Mon to let me know St**E's decision so that I would be prepared. They all acted as if they did not know anything.
It's not anyone's fault and such experience is nothing new to me. What is surprising is that I am definitely not ugly but such things are happening to me always.
The reason I agreed to be introduced to him was mainly because both my aunt and her sis strongly recomended St**E as they told me that he is a nice man. If it was some others, I would have flatly refused this meeting. I just needed a companion to do things together with and there was no other motive behind this meet up.
My First Impression of St**E
Well, he looked good for me. Does not look old for his age. He was quiet throughout. St**ve then brought me aside and asked me how old I was. I then told him my age and he admitted that he was married once and has a 30 year old daughter and two grandchildren. I too told him about my past marriage (I could have told him in a flippant manner as it happened 13 years ago). To this, he told me that I must have enjoyed my marriage a lot. I told him that I had a terrible time during the whole duration of my marriage as it was arranged and am not going to have another arranged marriage again. I did not want to dwell too much on my past marriage as it will still upset me and I will get emotional.
I did not mind him having a daughter and grandchildren as his daughter can be my friend.
I was impressed with St**e because he did not consume alchohol. But he was quiet throughout and it was "J" and her hubby who sounded encouraging and enthusiastic the whole time. What lovely people, I thought, as they were trying very hard to pair both of us up.
At Shangrila St**E and I talked for only a short while on what he does during his free time. What impressed me most was when he mentioned doing social work when he is free.
I did not mind the age gap as I wanted to give it a try as I always wanted to get to know someone older as I will be able to receive good advice from him on many things.
Before we left, aunt and "j" asked me to call him and talk to him to get to know him. I did just that the next day on 24 Jan. I messaged "J" to ask St**E to call me when he is free (messaged in the morning) but there was no response the whole day. I became suspicious. I called her at 6pm and my call went unanswered. Aunt "J" returned my call at about 8pm on 24 Jan but I was not around to answer the call and was too tired to call her back and there were no calls from her after that. As usual, I had a gut feeling that something was not right as it was unusual of aunt "J" to ignore my message and call.
I then called her at 5pm the next day on 25 Jan to ask St**E to call me in the evening. Aunt "J" sounded hesitant but she agreed and he called me at about 9pm. He told me that he is uncomfortable with the huge age gap and he does not think it will work out. I told him that I do not mind but he told me that the age gap between me and his daughter is close.
I have to respect his wishes and told him that we can still be friends. He told me somethings after that but my mind just went blank and I had to end the conversation quickly as prolonging the conversation will not get anywhere, especially when only one side is willing to try.
Why didn't aunt tell me earlier when she knew St**e's decision. At least I could have been prepared.
I respect St**E for the decision as he is not the usual "chee koh pek" man we meet in Singapore. I still wonder why aunt "J" did not even msg me earlier on Mon to let me know St**E's decision so that I would be prepared. They all acted as if they did not know anything.
It's not anyone's fault and such experience is nothing new to me. What is surprising is that I am definitely not ugly but such things are happening to me always.
Lonliness Kills
Dad has been unwell lately and he was hospitalised as he underwent a surgery. He is back home and is resting. He told me that living alone may sound good now, but when I am old and need medical attention, there will be no one around to help me do simple chores.
This reality hit me.
I have always wanted to stay alone and do things that I wanted to do in privacy. But lately, I realised that stayting alone is so boring. There is no one to talk to not even my friends as they have their own families and they will spend time with their families when they get home in the evenings.
How much of TV can I watch? I resort to reading newspapers when there are no interesting programmes to watch.
This is why I go back home and spend time with cutie pie L**ha. Nevertheless, it is still not right for me to go back home often just for L**ha.
I have to prepare myself to do things independently. Lonliness kills but I have to get used to it and make it my way of life. I'll get used to it soon.
This reality hit me.
I have always wanted to stay alone and do things that I wanted to do in privacy. But lately, I realised that stayting alone is so boring. There is no one to talk to not even my friends as they have their own families and they will spend time with their families when they get home in the evenings.
How much of TV can I watch? I resort to reading newspapers when there are no interesting programmes to watch.
This is why I go back home and spend time with cutie pie L**ha. Nevertheless, it is still not right for me to go back home often just for L**ha.
I have to prepare myself to do things independently. Lonliness kills but I have to get used to it and make it my way of life. I'll get used to it soon.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Our Visit To Sripuram Temple At Vellore
21 Dec 2010After visiting Tiruvanaamalai, we proceded to Vellore to visit the Sripuram Temple. At the entrance, we purchased tickets and had to surrender our handphones and camera. Security there was rather tight. The walk towards the main sanctum was rather long but along the way, I took interest to read Amma's sayings which were interesting and insightful. The whole premises was throughly clean and this was one of the many reasons on why I liked the temple.
The other reason on why I liked the temple was because the whole temple was built using gold. I liked the peaceful atmosphere there too. Our whole family could go in and we prayed peacefully with the help of a guide there named Mr Sentheel (if I can recall correctly). The energy surrounding the temple makes you feel calm and at ease creating a pleasant atmosphere for praying to Goddess Narayani.
On our way out, there were official request for donations in cash for Annathanam (offering free food) by the temple and mum donated on our behalf. For this she was given a receipt. I bought a book on Amma's sayings and have been reading it daily.
We went to the other temple, the original one (I'm not sure of the name) which was right opposite. There the Durgai Amman statue was so tall beautiful. This temple was also well maintained with the gopuram and surrounding walls colourfully painted. Bajans could be heard from the other side of the hall and we all received prashads after our prayers. Here too with the help of Mr Sentheel, we went right into the sanctum to pray to Goddess Narayani.
I will definitely go there again if I have the means and ability.
The other reason on why I liked the temple was because the whole temple was built using gold. I liked the peaceful atmosphere there too. Our whole family could go in and we prayed peacefully with the help of a guide there named Mr Sentheel (if I can recall correctly). The energy surrounding the temple makes you feel calm and at ease creating a pleasant atmosphere for praying to Goddess Narayani.
On our way out, there were official request for donations in cash for Annathanam (offering free food) by the temple and mum donated on our behalf. For this she was given a receipt. I bought a book on Amma's sayings and have been reading it daily.
We went to the other temple, the original one (I'm not sure of the name) which was right opposite. There the Durgai Amman statue was so tall beautiful. This temple was also well maintained with the gopuram and surrounding walls colourfully painted. Bajans could be heard from the other side of the hall and we all received prashads after our prayers. Here too with the help of Mr Sentheel, we went right into the sanctum to pray to Goddess Narayani.
I will definitely go there again if I have the means and ability.
Monday, January 17, 2011
My Trip To Tiruvannamalai Dec 2010
19 Dec - Went to Budget Terminal for Departure to Chennai. Took Tiger Airways. Plane was delayed by 1hr. The seats were uncomfortable. When we reached Chennai, the travel agent who was supposed to pick us up was not there. Sis and dad had to borrow a handphone from a stranger and call the driver to inform us that we have arrived.
19-20 Dec - from airport went directly to Tiruvanaamalai hotel - Arunai Anantha, a three star hotel. Everthing in the hotel was average, but the bath room and toilet were of deplorable condition. We had to wear our flipflops while bathing as we did not dare to put our bare feet on the toilet floor.
Monday 20th Dec 2010 - Went to Arunachalam Temple. At the temple, we my mum and I were standing at the temple grounds waiting for the guide to bring us in the sanctum. Someone brushed my buttocks and when I turned, I realised it was the priest. Do not know if it was an accident. How then can I pray peacfully when it was the same priest who did the poojas for us? On top of this, the priest demanded 500rupees from us for doing special puja for us. This incident shows that prists openly demands money.
After the prayers, we bought about three audio CDs and then went back to hotel and had our lunch there. The food there was good and the service staff were good too. Saw a few European who stayed at the hotel but was wondering why they were there. We wanted to go for Girivalam at 3pm but unfortunately it was pouring. We had to go Girivalam via Autorickshaw. This was Lisha's first Autorickshaw ride and she enjoyed it. We know that it is good to walk all 15km but since we had to go to Thrupathi on 21 Dec, and the weather was wet, we went to the 8 lingams via an Autorickshaw.
One priest at the Vayu Lingam made us upset. I noticed that all the prists there light up the deepam only when you place money on the prist's tray. We got a rude remark from him when we placed a 2 rupee on his tray. He told us that it was a mere paper and it has got no value. He spoke to us in English. Then I picked up a pack of Vibhuthi on the tray and for that he asked for 4 rupees. We did not have any small change then and had to dig our pocket for all the coins that we had ( I think it made up to 5 or 6 rupees) and then he let us go. I did not pray well after this as I was disgusted with such an attitude. From what I know priests accept whatever is given to them. But these priests are demanding for money nowadays.
Nevertheless, I will visit Tiruvannamalai again and will walk the whole 15KM if Lord Arunachalam permits.
19-20 Dec - from airport went directly to Tiruvanaamalai hotel - Arunai Anantha, a three star hotel. Everthing in the hotel was average, but the bath room and toilet were of deplorable condition. We had to wear our flipflops while bathing as we did not dare to put our bare feet on the toilet floor.
Monday 20th Dec 2010 - Went to Arunachalam Temple. At the temple, we my mum and I were standing at the temple grounds waiting for the guide to bring us in the sanctum. Someone brushed my buttocks and when I turned, I realised it was the priest. Do not know if it was an accident. How then can I pray peacfully when it was the same priest who did the poojas for us? On top of this, the priest demanded 500rupees from us for doing special puja for us. This incident shows that prists openly demands money.
After the prayers, we bought about three audio CDs and then went back to hotel and had our lunch there. The food there was good and the service staff were good too. Saw a few European who stayed at the hotel but was wondering why they were there. We wanted to go for Girivalam at 3pm but unfortunately it was pouring. We had to go Girivalam via Autorickshaw. This was Lisha's first Autorickshaw ride and she enjoyed it. We know that it is good to walk all 15km but since we had to go to Thrupathi on 21 Dec, and the weather was wet, we went to the 8 lingams via an Autorickshaw.
One priest at the Vayu Lingam made us upset. I noticed that all the prists there light up the deepam only when you place money on the prist's tray. We got a rude remark from him when we placed a 2 rupee on his tray. He told us that it was a mere paper and it has got no value. He spoke to us in English. Then I picked up a pack of Vibhuthi on the tray and for that he asked for 4 rupees. We did not have any small change then and had to dig our pocket for all the coins that we had ( I think it made up to 5 or 6 rupees) and then he let us go. I did not pray well after this as I was disgusted with such an attitude. From what I know priests accept whatever is given to them. But these priests are demanding for money nowadays.
Nevertheless, I will visit Tiruvannamalai again and will walk the whole 15KM if Lord Arunachalam permits.
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