I feel so lousy and embarassed with the whole blind date incident. It was unlikely of me to call someone 3 to 4 times to talk to a man; and I did just that for the sake of my friend and aunt, only to find out that I was found unsuitable by St**E.
After not getting a response from Aunt, I should have let it go. It was JehBeh who pesterd me to call him to show interest. Now, I feel that I seemed desperate for him when he is not interested. My ego has been crushed!
Hope I can get over it quickly. Was upset the whole night and morning and work up with a puffy eye and headache.
Now am feeling a bit better. Went for office reunion lunch and had some good Chinese food. My mind has not been at ease since last night as so many -ve thoughts are running in my mind. What is wrong with me? My only flaw is my height. It is God given and am unable to do anything about it.
Hope to be occupied with other things so that I can put behind the whole incident. What a terrible way to begin the year!
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
A Mis-match That Went Wrong (Nothing New To Me)
Finally I got to meet St**E from Australia through my aunt and her sister. BUT there is a problem! I'm 42 and he is 57. I'm petite and he is bigger than me (not huge though).
The reason I agreed to be introduced to him was mainly because both my aunt and her sis strongly recomended St**E as they told me that he is a nice man. If it was some others, I would have flatly refused this meeting. I just needed a companion to do things together with and there was no other motive behind this meet up.
My First Impression of St**E
Well, he looked good for me. Does not look old for his age. He was quiet throughout. St**ve then brought me aside and asked me how old I was. I then told him my age and he admitted that he was married once and has a 30 year old daughter and two grandchildren. I too told him about my past marriage (I could have told him in a flippant manner as it happened 13 years ago). To this, he told me that I must have enjoyed my marriage a lot. I told him that I had a terrible time during the whole duration of my marriage as it was arranged and am not going to have another arranged marriage again. I did not want to dwell too much on my past marriage as it will still upset me and I will get emotional.
I did not mind him having a daughter and grandchildren as his daughter can be my friend.
I was impressed with St**e because he did not consume alchohol. But he was quiet throughout and it was "J" and her hubby who sounded encouraging and enthusiastic the whole time. What lovely people, I thought, as they were trying very hard to pair both of us up.
At Shangrila St**E and I talked for only a short while on what he does during his free time. What impressed me most was when he mentioned doing social work when he is free.
I did not mind the age gap as I wanted to give it a try as I always wanted to get to know someone older as I will be able to receive good advice from him on many things.
Before we left, aunt and "j" asked me to call him and talk to him to get to know him. I did just that the next day on 24 Jan. I messaged "J" to ask St**E to call me when he is free (messaged in the morning) but there was no response the whole day. I became suspicious. I called her at 6pm and my call went unanswered. Aunt "J" returned my call at about 8pm on 24 Jan but I was not around to answer the call and was too tired to call her back and there were no calls from her after that. As usual, I had a gut feeling that something was not right as it was unusual of aunt "J" to ignore my message and call.
I then called her at 5pm the next day on 25 Jan to ask St**E to call me in the evening. Aunt "J" sounded hesitant but she agreed and he called me at about 9pm. He told me that he is uncomfortable with the huge age gap and he does not think it will work out. I told him that I do not mind but he told me that the age gap between me and his daughter is close.
I have to respect his wishes and told him that we can still be friends. He told me somethings after that but my mind just went blank and I had to end the conversation quickly as prolonging the conversation will not get anywhere, especially when only one side is willing to try.
Why didn't aunt tell me earlier when she knew St**e's decision. At least I could have been prepared.
I respect St**E for the decision as he is not the usual "chee koh pek" man we meet in Singapore. I still wonder why aunt "J" did not even msg me earlier on Mon to let me know St**E's decision so that I would be prepared. They all acted as if they did not know anything.
It's not anyone's fault and such experience is nothing new to me. What is surprising is that I am definitely not ugly but such things are happening to me always.
The reason I agreed to be introduced to him was mainly because both my aunt and her sis strongly recomended St**E as they told me that he is a nice man. If it was some others, I would have flatly refused this meeting. I just needed a companion to do things together with and there was no other motive behind this meet up.
My First Impression of St**E
Well, he looked good for me. Does not look old for his age. He was quiet throughout. St**ve then brought me aside and asked me how old I was. I then told him my age and he admitted that he was married once and has a 30 year old daughter and two grandchildren. I too told him about my past marriage (I could have told him in a flippant manner as it happened 13 years ago). To this, he told me that I must have enjoyed my marriage a lot. I told him that I had a terrible time during the whole duration of my marriage as it was arranged and am not going to have another arranged marriage again. I did not want to dwell too much on my past marriage as it will still upset me and I will get emotional.
I did not mind him having a daughter and grandchildren as his daughter can be my friend.
I was impressed with St**e because he did not consume alchohol. But he was quiet throughout and it was "J" and her hubby who sounded encouraging and enthusiastic the whole time. What lovely people, I thought, as they were trying very hard to pair both of us up.
At Shangrila St**E and I talked for only a short while on what he does during his free time. What impressed me most was when he mentioned doing social work when he is free.
I did not mind the age gap as I wanted to give it a try as I always wanted to get to know someone older as I will be able to receive good advice from him on many things.
Before we left, aunt and "j" asked me to call him and talk to him to get to know him. I did just that the next day on 24 Jan. I messaged "J" to ask St**E to call me when he is free (messaged in the morning) but there was no response the whole day. I became suspicious. I called her at 6pm and my call went unanswered. Aunt "J" returned my call at about 8pm on 24 Jan but I was not around to answer the call and was too tired to call her back and there were no calls from her after that. As usual, I had a gut feeling that something was not right as it was unusual of aunt "J" to ignore my message and call.
I then called her at 5pm the next day on 25 Jan to ask St**E to call me in the evening. Aunt "J" sounded hesitant but she agreed and he called me at about 9pm. He told me that he is uncomfortable with the huge age gap and he does not think it will work out. I told him that I do not mind but he told me that the age gap between me and his daughter is close.
I have to respect his wishes and told him that we can still be friends. He told me somethings after that but my mind just went blank and I had to end the conversation quickly as prolonging the conversation will not get anywhere, especially when only one side is willing to try.
Why didn't aunt tell me earlier when she knew St**e's decision. At least I could have been prepared.
I respect St**E for the decision as he is not the usual "chee koh pek" man we meet in Singapore. I still wonder why aunt "J" did not even msg me earlier on Mon to let me know St**E's decision so that I would be prepared. They all acted as if they did not know anything.
It's not anyone's fault and such experience is nothing new to me. What is surprising is that I am definitely not ugly but such things are happening to me always.
Lonliness Kills
Dad has been unwell lately and he was hospitalised as he underwent a surgery. He is back home and is resting. He told me that living alone may sound good now, but when I am old and need medical attention, there will be no one around to help me do simple chores.
This reality hit me.
I have always wanted to stay alone and do things that I wanted to do in privacy. But lately, I realised that stayting alone is so boring. There is no one to talk to not even my friends as they have their own families and they will spend time with their families when they get home in the evenings.
How much of TV can I watch? I resort to reading newspapers when there are no interesting programmes to watch.
This is why I go back home and spend time with cutie pie L**ha. Nevertheless, it is still not right for me to go back home often just for L**ha.
I have to prepare myself to do things independently. Lonliness kills but I have to get used to it and make it my way of life. I'll get used to it soon.
This reality hit me.
I have always wanted to stay alone and do things that I wanted to do in privacy. But lately, I realised that stayting alone is so boring. There is no one to talk to not even my friends as they have their own families and they will spend time with their families when they get home in the evenings.
How much of TV can I watch? I resort to reading newspapers when there are no interesting programmes to watch.
This is why I go back home and spend time with cutie pie L**ha. Nevertheless, it is still not right for me to go back home often just for L**ha.
I have to prepare myself to do things independently. Lonliness kills but I have to get used to it and make it my way of life. I'll get used to it soon.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Our Visit To Sripuram Temple At Vellore
21 Dec 2010After visiting Tiruvanaamalai, we proceded to Vellore to visit the Sripuram Temple. At the entrance, we purchased tickets and had to surrender our handphones and camera. Security there was rather tight. The walk towards the main sanctum was rather long but along the way, I took interest to read Amma's sayings which were interesting and insightful. The whole premises was throughly clean and this was one of the many reasons on why I liked the temple.
The other reason on why I liked the temple was because the whole temple was built using gold. I liked the peaceful atmosphere there too. Our whole family could go in and we prayed peacefully with the help of a guide there named Mr Sentheel (if I can recall correctly). The energy surrounding the temple makes you feel calm and at ease creating a pleasant atmosphere for praying to Goddess Narayani.
On our way out, there were official request for donations in cash for Annathanam (offering free food) by the temple and mum donated on our behalf. For this she was given a receipt. I bought a book on Amma's sayings and have been reading it daily.
We went to the other temple, the original one (I'm not sure of the name) which was right opposite. There the Durgai Amman statue was so tall beautiful. This temple was also well maintained with the gopuram and surrounding walls colourfully painted. Bajans could be heard from the other side of the hall and we all received prashads after our prayers. Here too with the help of Mr Sentheel, we went right into the sanctum to pray to Goddess Narayani.
I will definitely go there again if I have the means and ability.
The other reason on why I liked the temple was because the whole temple was built using gold. I liked the peaceful atmosphere there too. Our whole family could go in and we prayed peacefully with the help of a guide there named Mr Sentheel (if I can recall correctly). The energy surrounding the temple makes you feel calm and at ease creating a pleasant atmosphere for praying to Goddess Narayani.
On our way out, there were official request for donations in cash for Annathanam (offering free food) by the temple and mum donated on our behalf. For this she was given a receipt. I bought a book on Amma's sayings and have been reading it daily.
We went to the other temple, the original one (I'm not sure of the name) which was right opposite. There the Durgai Amman statue was so tall beautiful. This temple was also well maintained with the gopuram and surrounding walls colourfully painted. Bajans could be heard from the other side of the hall and we all received prashads after our prayers. Here too with the help of Mr Sentheel, we went right into the sanctum to pray to Goddess Narayani.
I will definitely go there again if I have the means and ability.
Monday, January 17, 2011
My Trip To Tiruvannamalai Dec 2010
19 Dec - Went to Budget Terminal for Departure to Chennai. Took Tiger Airways. Plane was delayed by 1hr. The seats were uncomfortable. When we reached Chennai, the travel agent who was supposed to pick us up was not there. Sis and dad had to borrow a handphone from a stranger and call the driver to inform us that we have arrived.
19-20 Dec - from airport went directly to Tiruvanaamalai hotel - Arunai Anantha, a three star hotel. Everthing in the hotel was average, but the bath room and toilet were of deplorable condition. We had to wear our flipflops while bathing as we did not dare to put our bare feet on the toilet floor.
Monday 20th Dec 2010 - Went to Arunachalam Temple. At the temple, we my mum and I were standing at the temple grounds waiting for the guide to bring us in the sanctum. Someone brushed my buttocks and when I turned, I realised it was the priest. Do not know if it was an accident. How then can I pray peacfully when it was the same priest who did the poojas for us? On top of this, the priest demanded 500rupees from us for doing special puja for us. This incident shows that prists openly demands money.
After the prayers, we bought about three audio CDs and then went back to hotel and had our lunch there. The food there was good and the service staff were good too. Saw a few European who stayed at the hotel but was wondering why they were there. We wanted to go for Girivalam at 3pm but unfortunately it was pouring. We had to go Girivalam via Autorickshaw. This was Lisha's first Autorickshaw ride and she enjoyed it. We know that it is good to walk all 15km but since we had to go to Thrupathi on 21 Dec, and the weather was wet, we went to the 8 lingams via an Autorickshaw.
One priest at the Vayu Lingam made us upset. I noticed that all the prists there light up the deepam only when you place money on the prist's tray. We got a rude remark from him when we placed a 2 rupee on his tray. He told us that it was a mere paper and it has got no value. He spoke to us in English. Then I picked up a pack of Vibhuthi on the tray and for that he asked for 4 rupees. We did not have any small change then and had to dig our pocket for all the coins that we had ( I think it made up to 5 or 6 rupees) and then he let us go. I did not pray well after this as I was disgusted with such an attitude. From what I know priests accept whatever is given to them. But these priests are demanding for money nowadays.
Nevertheless, I will visit Tiruvannamalai again and will walk the whole 15KM if Lord Arunachalam permits.
19-20 Dec - from airport went directly to Tiruvanaamalai hotel - Arunai Anantha, a three star hotel. Everthing in the hotel was average, but the bath room and toilet were of deplorable condition. We had to wear our flipflops while bathing as we did not dare to put our bare feet on the toilet floor.
Monday 20th Dec 2010 - Went to Arunachalam Temple. At the temple, we my mum and I were standing at the temple grounds waiting for the guide to bring us in the sanctum. Someone brushed my buttocks and when I turned, I realised it was the priest. Do not know if it was an accident. How then can I pray peacfully when it was the same priest who did the poojas for us? On top of this, the priest demanded 500rupees from us for doing special puja for us. This incident shows that prists openly demands money.
After the prayers, we bought about three audio CDs and then went back to hotel and had our lunch there. The food there was good and the service staff were good too. Saw a few European who stayed at the hotel but was wondering why they were there. We wanted to go for Girivalam at 3pm but unfortunately it was pouring. We had to go Girivalam via Autorickshaw. This was Lisha's first Autorickshaw ride and she enjoyed it. We know that it is good to walk all 15km but since we had to go to Thrupathi on 21 Dec, and the weather was wet, we went to the 8 lingams via an Autorickshaw.
One priest at the Vayu Lingam made us upset. I noticed that all the prists there light up the deepam only when you place money on the prist's tray. We got a rude remark from him when we placed a 2 rupee on his tray. He told us that it was a mere paper and it has got no value. He spoke to us in English. Then I picked up a pack of Vibhuthi on the tray and for that he asked for 4 rupees. We did not have any small change then and had to dig our pocket for all the coins that we had ( I think it made up to 5 or 6 rupees) and then he let us go. I did not pray well after this as I was disgusted with such an attitude. From what I know priests accept whatever is given to them. But these priests are demanding for money nowadays.
Nevertheless, I will visit Tiruvannamalai again and will walk the whole 15KM if Lord Arunachalam permits.
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