Me Myself Mine

The Waiting Game Has Commenced

2011-07-07T20:43:00.000-07:00

I was called for interview on 27 June and a second interview on 4 July. I've not heard from them since then. I think they are considering some others for this post, although I have not received any e-mail for rejecting me. I feel so lousy and useless. I know I am talented buy how else can I prove myself; I do not know.

How nice would it be to work in a nice organisation as compared to where I am working now, in a place where people are so cold towards one another. I feel so small and useless.

I am reading a fiction entitled, "Harvesting the Heart" by Jodi Picoult. It enables me to bring me to an imaginary world and this is an escape for me. I can't find any other way to escape from repeatedly questioning myself if I will be offered the job.

If I get this job, it will be a stepping stone to my success. My current company has undermined my potential despite showing them that I am capable of doing more. I know I have achieved what I had wanted in life. I just want to prove myself that I can do more than what they think I can do.

My parents will be disappointed if I did not get the job and I will be greatly disappointed too. I hate this waiting game.

When I walk alone outside, I see people going to work and think for myself, "these people must have done very well for thier interviews to secure a job of their liking" unlike me. I'm already old and people are hesitating to hire me I guess.

I am thinking of taking up the IELTS and a TESOL or TEFEL to pass my time. Courses after courses, but no one wants to hire me.

I just feel like screaming my heart out and crying till my tears have dried up. This is how much sad I have been all this while.

Beware of Bogus Men On Matrimonial Sites

2011-07-07T20:23:00.000-07:00

I have been slowly accepting all that had happened to me in the past one month as a lesson learnt. "A", I found out is a bogus man, all out to cheat women. Luckily, I found this out early using my "head".

Things that gave it away :

a) The scanned copy of this contract was too good to be true. The company that was mentioned in the contract did not exist at all when I googled the company name. This was my first suspicion.
b) Wanted to learn how to drive a boat and buy a boat one day (too good to be true). I was not convinced and was least interested.
c) Wanted to buy a big house in Singapore (I am happy with what I possess here. I am not interested in big houses)- another too good to be true point that I have taken note of.
d) The signatory on the contract, seems to be working in Pakistan when the contract is from a company in Kuwait called KNPC.
e) I googled "male scammers" and found out a lot of information about men posting pictutres of someone else to lure lonely women. I also found out how to track IP Address from the e-mails of these men. I was shocked that I have been corresponding with someone from Lagos, Nigeria all this while, when "A" claims that he is from London.

How could I have been so stupid into believing that he was genuine? Anyway, a part of me was cautious all this while and it was easy to let go suddenly.

I have not corresponded with "A" since finding out that he is bogus. Wonder what sob stories he will come up to abscond money from innocent victims like myself. I'm not into this game. I call it quits and have been ignoring his mails and SMSes.

I hope the picture "A" uses to cheat (of a pleasant looking man and his son) will one day be found out and taken action by the authorities.

My Trip To An Orphanage In Cambodia

2011-06-22T02:14:00.001-07:00

On Saturday, 17 June I visited an orphanage in Cambodia. The children there were trained for cultural performance in the evening while they study during the day. There were approximately 72 children in the orphanage consisting of disabled, unwanted children and children of HIV parent/s.

The school's building had the bare necessities with only one classroom with long wooden tables and benches. The children wore torn clothes but were happy to receive visitors. There were a few Europeans there, who were volunteer English Teachers. The children entertained us with 3 cultural performances and they were fantastic. I made a small donation and asked the Manager there for the kind of items that the orphanage needed. We were told that they needed toiletries and washing powder. We mingled and talked to the children for a while. The children held our hands and refused to let us go. I hugged them to show them that I cared. Some of them said "I love you" and this really touched me.

Immediately the next morning, we woke up early and went to the central market at Siem Reap and bought lots of items like toothpastes, toothbrushes, soaps, bottles of shampoo, body powder and soap powder. The children immediately recognised us and came to us. It was their lunch time then and they had mere rice and vegetable soup for lunch. They were all standing and having their lunch as the ground was muddy due to construction works at the building for a permanent bigger stage for their performance.

My heart went all out to them. I tried to explain to them that I was to leave for S'pore the following day and one of them told me that she wants to accompany me. One girl was trying to tell me something but I think she has difficulty expressing herself in English and withheld what she was about to tell me. If I had the means I do not mind adopting one of them. They were so adorable.

Was trying to recall the amount of food we waste everyday. We have not experienced what poverty is but witnessing the plight of these children has been an eye opener for me. I could not sleep all night for the past few nights.

The children would have seen visitors come and go everyday. Wonder how they will feel if they are emotionally attached to some volunteers but only to see them go. It would be painful for them. I will keep praying for the children to have better, sophisticated lives in future with more donation from the public. I want to go back there again and donate in cash and in kind.

I saw heaven in this orphanage.

By the way, was thinking that before visiting the orphanage, was thinking of "A" most of the time but now, after visiting the orphanage, "A" is not the whole world to me as these under previledged children are in my mind all the time. Even when I take my meals.

"A" Has Gone MIA

2011-06-22T01:45:00.000-07:00

Read all "A"'s mails when I got back from my vacation. He is such a sweet man. He informed me in one of his mails that he clinched the contract. He even sent me a scanned copy of the contract. Isn't that sweet of him? Don't worry, I'll not easily fall for his wealth as God has made me self sufficient and it is enough for me. I want to soar higher but the extra cash will go to charity. He claimed to have dreams of buying a boat and a big house for his son to play. I'll not be lured into such material wealth but will be happy for him if he realises his dreams.

By the way, all my SMSes and e-mails are unanswered after he got the contract. Do not know why. Let's wait and see. Or else, this friend is also bogus I guess. I'm prepared but I won't be affected. I'll be sad but can pick myself up. I'm a strong woman.

There are so many things to be sad about. This relationship is not worth dying for.

Familiar Voice in "A"

2011-06-10T00:11:00.000-07:00

Spoke to "A" twice already. His voice sounds familiar. It sounds like I've heard his voice before and the way he talks seems familiar too. In our past lifes were we a couple? Have I been single all along to wait for someone like "A"?

Will Everything Work Out?

2011-06-09T23:59:00.000-07:00

Will everything work out or will he say "this will not work" when he sees me? Well, this was what happened to me when St@*&%E told me that this will not work out when I was willing to give it a try. If at all he does not want me, I know for sure that it is my height as we are not compatible when it comes to height. Other than that, I can't think of any reason for this mission to fail. Unless he has high expectations.
This whole thing is so stressful. But I have grown stronger. This morning "J" told me that I will feel sad if it does not work out. I told her I am ready to face it and will be able to take it or will I?. I mean no harm to anyone so if he rejects me, my wishes will always be with him for him to be with a wonderful woman of his dreams. He deserves it.

Wonderful Man "A"

2011-06-08T01:51:00.000-07:00

By the way, I did not dump "M" but found his mails weird. One day, he suddenly told me that he is in New Zealand for his business and wanted my address. Sorry, but I barely know him. How can I give him my address? I refused to give him my address and got his number, but I have not called him yet. I don't think I ever want to write to him again as I think "M" is not genuine.
I then met "A" from England. He is so cheerful and makes me smile and even laugh. We chatted once and he seemed nice. Receiving mails from him just makes me happy and I look forward to his mails. I admire him for single handedly raising his son whom he dotes on. I'm already having feelings for him and hope everything works out well. He is coming soon to visit me and hope God shows mercy on me this time and wipe out the lonliness in me. I know that by exchanging mails and chatting we are creating an imaginary world, but why can't we transform the imaginary world into reality when both of us a honest, truthful and serious?
To all those who are reading this, please say a prayer for me that it will work out.
I know this is not of utmost importance to you as there are so many people out there who are really in need of a prayer to heal a soul in some way or other, but if you were in my shoes, you will know how it feels when you are lonely. I've been lonely for years and this whole thing has been making me happy. Will my happiness be an everlasting one this time? Or will be vanished just like the previous times? These are the questions that I keep asking now for which I cannot find answers. I will keep praying for strength to take whatever comes along the way, be it happiness and disappointment. Well, what else will I do? shed tears for a few days and life goes on as usual. Hope it is as easy as it sounds.

Matrimonial Website

2011-05-11T02:16:00.000-07:00

I joined this particular matrimonial website thinking that I could find someone nice. I did not post my photograph as I did not want the whole world to know that I am in search of a soulmate. Since there are no photographs, my chances are slim and I know it. It has almost been a month since joining as member and I have not gotten any response.

Two days ago there a man from Canada wrote to me to say that he liked my profile and we should communicate further. Ok, I thought why not..and let's give it a try. I thought, ok, there is finally a man who is not interested in how I look but seemed to be interested in my profile. I thought this man could be interesting to get to know. Yesterday, to my utter disappointment, he sent me a long list of questionaire to fill in in order to get to know me. Some of the questions that he asked was, "What is your favourite colour?", "What is the colour of your eyes?" "How do you solve conflicts?" "Would you give me a chance?" My excitement went down the drain after reading the list of questions. He claims that he could get to know me more if I answered the questions.

I totally disagree in throwing a list of questionaire at your partner in order to get to know her. It is so formal. I can just give him a bunch of lies and impress him. It is not as good as meeting the person or communicating with the person in order to get to know his partner.

Life is not predictable. I can say that communication resolves conflicts but I feel that it all depends on the type of problem and the situation that both of you are in and you have to handle certain problem tactfully or else, the relationship would be detrimental.

Ummm let's see how it goes..excitement has gone down the drain..and I will give up on my seach as it does not seem to be working for me.

How Nice It Would Be If........

2011-04-19T20:48:00.001-07:00

How nice would it be if I had someone to talk to when I reach home from work.
How nice would it be if I could cook together with him, exchanging stories with him at the same time.
How nice would it be if I could watch TV with him after a hard day's work.
How nice would it be if I could cuddle with him in bed and relax every night.
How nice would it be if I could be brought out often for shopping or movie
How nice would it be if I could go to the seaside with him for a stroll and steal romantic kisses with him.
How nice would it be if I could go for long/short getaways to places that I've never been to before.
How nice would it be if I could share a book with him and discuss our views on the book.
How nice would it be if I could be treated like a queen.
How nice would it be if he treated me for what I am.
How nice would it be if he told me that looks do not matter.
How nice would it be if he contributed to the household chores.
How nice would it be if my opinions mattered to him.
How nice would it be if he was honest.
How nice would it be if he was humble.
How nice would it be if he was wise.
How nice would it be if I could look up to him for advise.
How nice would it be if he loved dogs just like me.
How nice would it be if I could eat all the fabulous food and never get fat.
How nice would it be if I could take all the alchohol and never get drunk.
How nice would it be if I could be as tall as super models.
How nice would it be if I was as pretty as Aishwariya Rai.
How nice would it be if I could afford to buy upmarket goods like some of them out there.
How nice would it be if animals could talk.
How nice would it be if people forgive and forget.
How nice would it be if people were not mean to each other.
How nice would it be if terminally ill children can be cured miraculously.
How nice would it be if cheaters, sinners, liers and womenisers were punished instantly.
How nice would it be if there is peace and love every where in the world.
Oh How nice would it be if God was to appear in front of me and told me that everything was ok and all that I have wished for will come true!

My Attempt At A Matrimonial Site

2011-04-18T02:08:00.000-07:00

I wanted to give it a try at Shaadi since it was reported that Shaadi matrimonial site has succeeded in its mission in uniting singles around the world.
This man by the name of "Je..f" wrote to me expressing interest. Saw his profile and was interested in his profile. He claimed to be honest and had so much to talk about love and trust etc. in all his mails to me. He had called me on a few occassions and his accent was different. Once he told me that he is from Scotland and hence has an accent. Then the other day, he told me he is from Spain. Now, which is real? "Je..f" sent his picture and I was attracted to his looks. His mails were so convincing but then I realised that his company name does not exist. I kept this to myself as I thought not to blow it up too soon. Then on Friday, 15 Apr, I asked him to go online for a chat. He specified the time but he never came online for a chat. I waited for 2 whole hours but he never came. I called him the next day and there was no form of apology. His friend answered the call. "Je..f" told me that he could not come online as he had friends come over and was in a hurry to end my call abruptly.

On Saturday, 16 April, noticed that "Je..f" finally added me in his contacts. However, this morning when I was checking my mails, I found out that he was online for hours. I sent him a message, but he quickly went offline. Then he came online again most probably busy chatting with someone else. I got so disappointed by am playing the game with him. I'm not interested in "Je..f" anymore. I have a feeling that "Je..f" is an impersonator. Wonder why these people find joy in playing with women's hearts. Don't they have any mothers or sisters? What if they were hurt by other men the same way? How will they take it if it happened to their own family members? Heartless idiots.

No more matrimonial sites for me. I'd rather be single and rot than get acquainted with such men and be miserable my whole life.

What's Happening In My Life Now

2011-04-17T21:30:00.000-07:00

I have not posted on my blog for a long time because nothing exceptional is happening in my life now. Have just been promoted but am not happy with the place I am working in. My tenants have just moved out and have lost that part of the income. Just went for a full health screening and was told that I need to reduce some weight as my weight is not proportionate to my height. So have been deligently going for jogging and walking in the evenings after work and have been watching what I eat. No problem so far. Let's see.

For those of you who take diet pills, please don't. I took diet pills once and lost weight tremendously. I did serious exercises and took the pill as well. I looked so good for a while, but after that, put on weight tremendously. So those of you who plan to take diet pills, please abandon that idea as they are not useful. I also have this ugly cellulite that I do not know how to get rid of. Saw Oprah Winfrey show once and according to the programme, it seems cellulites are difficult to get rid of.

Mother Jumps Down 12 Storey With Her Child

2011-04-17T20:41:00.000-07:00

I Have been upset after reading this news on Saturday, 16 April 2011, in the Straits Times. Just don't understand how a mother can be so cruel to take the life of her own daughter, just because she chose to die. Tears welled up in my eyes when I read how a passerby was with the child during her last few minutes. The girl was in pain and was gasping for breath. I can imagine how it must have been for the little girl.

Why did the mother take the poor child with her when she decided to end her own life? Why didn't the mother think twice before taking the leap together with her daughter? Yes, I understand that she must have had problems or even she may be mentally unstable. This poor child has a bright future ahead of her. She would have dreams and aspirations just like you and me; but it just ended abruptly because of her mother's stupid decision.

To all those mothers who decides that suicide is the only solution, please spare your child. Your child is innocent and he/she does not deserve dying at a young age.

I Need Mental Strength Now

2011-01-25T22:36:00.000-08:00

I feel so lousy and embarassed with the whole blind date incident. It was unlikely of me to call someone 3 to 4 times to talk to a man; and I did just that for the sake of my friend and aunt, only to find out that I was found unsuitable by St**E.

After not getting a response from Aunt, I should have let it go. It was JehBeh who pesterd me to call him to show interest. Now, I feel that I seemed desperate for him when he is not interested. My ego has been crushed!

Hope I can get over it quickly. Was upset the whole night and morning and work up with a puffy eye and headache.

Now am feeling a bit better. Went for office reunion lunch and had some good Chinese food. My mind has not been at ease since last night as so many -ve thoughts are running in my mind. What is wrong with me? My only flaw is my height. It is God given and am unable to do anything about it.

Hope to be occupied with other things so that I can put behind the whole incident. What a terrible way to begin the year!

A Mis-match That Went Wrong (Nothing New To Me)

2011-01-25T18:36:00.000-08:00

Finally I got to meet St**E from Australia through my aunt and her sister. BUT there is a problem! I'm 42 and he is 57. I'm petite and he is bigger than me (not huge though).

The reason I agreed to be introduced to him was mainly because both my aunt and her sis strongly recomended St**E as they told me that he is a nice man. If it was some others, I would have flatly refused this meeting. I just needed a companion to do things together with and there was no other motive behind this meet up.

My First Impression of St**E

Well, he looked good for me. Does not look old for his age. He was quiet throughout. St**ve then brought me aside and asked me how old I was. I then told him my age and he admitted that he was married once and has a 30 year old daughter and two grandchildren. I too told him about my past marriage (I could have told him in a flippant manner as it happened 13 years ago). To this, he told me that I must have enjoyed my marriage a lot. I told him that I had a terrible time during the whole duration of my marriage as it was arranged and am not going to have another arranged marriage again. I did not want to dwell too much on my past marriage as it will still upset me and I will get emotional.

I did not mind him having a daughter and grandchildren as his daughter can be my friend.

I was impressed with St**e because he did not consume alchohol. But he was quiet throughout and it was "J" and her hubby who sounded encouraging and enthusiastic the whole time. What lovely people, I thought, as they were trying very hard to pair both of us up.

At Shangrila St**E and I talked for only a short while on what he does during his free time. What impressed me most was when he mentioned doing social work when he is free.

I did not mind the age gap as I wanted to give it a try as I always wanted to get to know someone older as I will be able to receive good advice from him on many things.

Before we left, aunt and "j" asked me to call him and talk to him to get to know him. I did just that the next day on 24 Jan. I messaged "J" to ask St**E to call me when he is free (messaged in the morning) but there was no response the whole day. I became suspicious. I called her at 6pm and my call went unanswered. Aunt "J" returned my call at about 8pm on 24 Jan but I was not around to answer the call and was too tired to call her back and there were no calls from her after that. As usual, I had a gut feeling that something was not right as it was unusual of aunt "J" to ignore my message and call.

I then called her at 5pm the next day on 25 Jan to ask St**E to call me in the evening. Aunt "J" sounded hesitant but she agreed and he called me at about 9pm. He told me that he is uncomfortable with the huge age gap and he does not think it will work out. I told him that I do not mind but he told me that the age gap between me and his daughter is close.

I have to respect his wishes and told him that we can still be friends. He told me somethings after that but my mind just went blank and I had to end the conversation quickly as prolonging the conversation will not get anywhere, especially when only one side is willing to try.

Why didn't aunt tell me earlier when she knew St**e's decision. At least I could have been prepared.

I respect St**E for the decision as he is not the usual "chee koh pek" man we meet in Singapore. I still wonder why aunt "J" did not even msg me earlier on Mon to let me know St**E's decision so that I would be prepared. They all acted as if they did not know anything.

It's not anyone's fault and such experience is nothing new to me. What is surprising is that I am definitely not ugly but such things are happening to me always.

Lonliness Kills

2011-01-25T18:09:00.000-08:00

Dad has been unwell lately and he was hospitalised as he underwent a surgery. He is back home and is resting. He told me that living alone may sound good now, but when I am old and need medical attention, there will be no one around to help me do simple chores.

This reality hit me.

I have always wanted to stay alone and do things that I wanted to do in privacy. But lately, I realised that stayting alone is so boring. There is no one to talk to not even my friends as they have their own families and they will spend time with their families when they get home in the evenings.

How much of TV can I watch? I resort to reading newspapers when there are no interesting programmes to watch.

This is why I go back home and spend time with cutie pie L**ha. Nevertheless, it is still not right for me to go back home often just for L**ha.

I have to prepare myself to do things independently. Lonliness kills but I have to get used to it and make it my way of life. I'll get used to it soon.

Our Visit To Sripuram Temple At Vellore

2011-01-18T01:04:00.000-08:00

21 Dec 2010After visiting Tiruvanaamalai, we proceded to Vellore to visit the Sripuram Temple. At the entrance, we purchased tickets and had to surrender our handphones and camera. Security there was rather tight. The walk towards the main sanctum was rather long but along the way, I took interest to read Amma's sayings which were interesting and insightful. The whole premises was throughly clean and this was one of the many reasons on why I liked the temple.

The other reason on why I liked the temple was because the whole temple was built using gold. I liked the peaceful atmosphere there too. Our whole family could go in and we prayed peacefully with the help of a guide there named Mr Sentheel (if I can recall correctly). The energy surrounding the temple makes you feel calm and at ease creating a pleasant atmosphere for praying to Goddess Narayani.

On our way out, there were official request for donations in cash for Annathanam (offering free food) by the temple and mum donated on our behalf. For this she was given a receipt. I bought a book on Amma's sayings and have been reading it daily.

We went to the other temple, the original one (I'm not sure of the name) which was right opposite. There the Durgai Amman statue was so tall beautiful. This temple was also well maintained with the gopuram and surrounding walls colourfully painted. Bajans could be heard from the other side of the hall and we all received prashads after our prayers. Here too with the help of Mr Sentheel, we went right into the sanctum to pray to Goddess Narayani.

I will definitely go there again if I have the means and ability.

My Trip To Tiruvannamalai Dec 2010

2011-01-17T18:37:00.000-08:00

19 Dec - Went to Budget Terminal for Departure to Chennai. Took Tiger Airways. Plane was delayed by 1hr. The seats were uncomfortable. When we reached Chennai, the travel agent who was supposed to pick us up was not there. Sis and dad had to borrow a handphone from a stranger and call the driver to inform us that we have arrived.

19-20 Dec - from airport went directly to Tiruvanaamalai hotel - Arunai Anantha, a three star hotel. Everthing in the hotel was average, but the bath room and toilet were of deplorable condition. We had to wear our flipflops while bathing as we did not dare to put our bare feet on the toilet floor.

Monday 20th Dec 2010 - Went to Arunachalam Temple. At the temple, we my mum and I were standing at the temple grounds waiting for the guide to bring us in the sanctum. Someone brushed my buttocks and when I turned, I realised it was the priest. Do not know if it was an accident. How then can I pray peacfully when it was the same priest who did the poojas for us? On top of this, the priest demanded 500rupees from us for doing special puja for us. This incident shows that prists openly demands money.

After the prayers, we bought about three audio CDs and then went back to hotel and had our lunch there. The food there was good and the service staff were good too. Saw a few European who stayed at the hotel but was wondering why they were there. We wanted to go for Girivalam at 3pm but unfortunately it was pouring. We had to go Girivalam via Autorickshaw. This was Lisha's first Autorickshaw ride and she enjoyed it. We know that it is good to walk all 15km but since we had to go to Thrupathi on 21 Dec, and the weather was wet, we went to the 8 lingams via an Autorickshaw.

One priest at the Vayu Lingam made us upset. I noticed that all the prists there light up the deepam only when you place money on the prist's tray. We got a rude remark from him when we placed a 2 rupee on his tray. He told us that it was a mere paper and it has got no value. He spoke to us in English. Then I picked up a pack of Vibhuthi on the tray and for that he asked for 4 rupees. We did not have any small change then and had to dig our pocket for all the coins that we had ( I think it made up to 5 or 6 rupees) and then he let us go. I did not pray well after this as I was disgusted with such an attitude. From what I know priests accept whatever is given to them. But these priests are demanding for money nowadays.

Nevertheless, I will visit Tiruvannamalai again and will walk the whole 15KM if Lord Arunachalam permits.

Cousin's Wedding On 12 Dec 2010

2010-12-12T19:16:00.000-08:00

Woke up at 6am to dress up yesterday. My mum bought the saree from Delhi and this is the first time I am tying a sree after a long time. My mum helped me tie the saree. Now I just want to learn how to tie saree myslef because the "pallu" was pretty long and I could not walk comfortably.

I just sat all the time at the wedding and did not move at all. The wedding went well but had this unstable heartbeat at the wedding. Some kind of fear. This could be because of my past bad experiences. Anyway, the youngersters nowadays are intelligent. Not the same when I was was naive 10 years ago. They can lead a happily married life.

Left for home at about 1pm after a vegetarian meal. Loved the meal but my mum as sister did not like it at all.

Aunt told me that she wants to introduce me to a man from Australia who wants to get to know Indian woman. I'm not hopeful because my colleague who is also a good friend of mine has ever told me the same thing. She was in Australia last year and she met her sister-in-law's neighbour. She wanted to introduce me to him but she had to go through her sister-in-law and I do not know what happened in between. The whole idea got lost in transition. I had to abandon that hope.

Similar news came from my aunt yesterday. Do not want to be hopful because God has some plans for me. I have left it to HIM. He knows best. If I am fated to remain single, then it is God's wish.

I know that I am lonely and this loneliness can even make me mad but guess it is fated. God is afraid that I may not love Him if I get to know someone. My happiness is always short lived.

Old Maid

2010-11-09T19:52:00.000-08:00

Finally, this friend of mine, who was single for a long long time got married on 30th Oct 2010. She got to know him on the internet and he is an Egyptian. He has got good looks and she fell for him. However, he is so much younger than her (his age has been kept a secret).

Hopefully, he is able to settle down in Singapore with their marriage and hopefully he will be able to get a decent job here.

I thought I was one of her good friends but only now I realised that this is not true. She did not invite me for her nikah which she told me was a family affair. She told me that I will be invited for her wedding reception in January 2011.

May God bless them with unconditional love and happiness now and forever. This is the begining of my journey in life where I attend weddings of my friends and relatives.

Treat Fellow Human Beings With Some Respect.

2010-05-09T21:31:00.000-07:00

I have been working at this particular place for a long time. I have seen several organisational changes that has taken place thus far. I hold a trivial position in this place. 3/4 of the staff here are elites and are professionals. From the very day I joined this place, the culture of this company is such that only professionals mingle with like-minded professionals and even a casual chat with us would be deemed unacceptable. Perhaps this could be because, they are afraid that we could be contagious. They are afraid that we may spread a certain type of virus that is only carried by us and that is the "imbercile virus". If the professionals are in contact with the "imbercile virus", they will loose their knowledge that they have struggled to attain thus far. So it is better to stay away from the contagious "imbercile virus".

Just now, I passed by two most senior professionals in my organisation. One of whom is in charge of all Human Resources matters. I smiled at both, but what I got from them in return was avoidance. I did not know that now, you return a smile only when the person who smiled at you is an educated elite and is a professional. If you are not, don't even try to acknowledge them as these professionals will just avoid you.

I was aghast that this is coming from a Human Resource Professional. Being treated like a piece of office furniture is that last thing that should happen to you. You have been slogging very hard to maintain the company's standards by sticking to deadlines but the people on top treats you as if you are transparant just because you hold a trivial post in the company and you have a brain of a nincompoop.

These elite seniors have so much experience and have acquired the topmost knowledge that I don't think I possess. Treat fellow human beings with some respect. This is what I ask for. If you do not have this basic trait, you are naught.

I have heard you say that your door will always be open and we can approach you whenever we face a problem. I don't think you practice what you preach judging from the encounter that I just had with you. Hypocrite! and that is what you are.

You can think that you are above us now but there is someone who is above you, watching you! I don't have to elaborate.

May God Bless You and Provide You With All Your Needs And Give You Eternal Happiness! From your prespective, all the others beyond you will burn in hell. Let's not contaminate mother earth with our imbecility.

The Books That I've Just Read

2009-12-29T19:04:00.000-08:00

I've just finished reading the two books by Dave Pelzer. They are, "A Child Called IT" and "The Lost Boy". I liked "The Lost Boy" more than Pelzer's first book. I really really admire Pelzer's courage to have endured so much as a child and had stayed strong throughout his ordeal.

In "The Lost Boy", my heart really sunk at the part when he had only his crumpled paper package to pack his belonging and had to leave numerous times to other foster homes that were suitable for him. Each time he had to leave for another foster home, he got the crumpled paper bag ready. This happened frequently in his life so much so that it was a routine for him and he was mentally and emotionally prepared for the move to other foster homes. David was only looking for a place to stay and keep himself warm. He just did not care about the constant moving to other foster homes. During each move, he was naturaly afraid but he somehow overcame the fight. Guess all this must be nothing for David as compared to the toture from his biological mother when he was a child.

David yearned for love. He yearned for the love that he did not get from his bilogical parents. He began to love some of his foster parents, but had to leave them due to circumstances. As David grew older, he learned that he had to avoid emotional attachment with his foster parents as he knew that his stay at a foster parent's house won't be long and sooner or later, he will be separated from them and any emotional attachment with his foster parents would only make his move or rather separation difficult.

I can imagine how a child or teenager has to adapt to a new enviornment each time he moves into a new foster home; and the rules and regulations that David has to adhere to in each and every foster home. On top of that, he has to adjust with the other foster children in the house. Some foster parents were strict and some were lenient.

As a child, David was prejudiced in the eye of the outside world, just because he was a foster child. The neighbourhood ostracised him just because he was a foster child.

Thanks David for the insightful book and creating an awareness of child abuse and the actions the affected can take.

For all that David had gone through, he has proved that he is indeed strong and he is surely blessed and will be blessed forever.

I have not read Dave Pelzer's last sequel but I can see that he will love his son more than anything else in this world and that's for sure.

Some Dreams Go Unfulfilled

2009-11-01T22:39:00.000-08:00

It has been such a long time since I visited this site. This was due to my one-year course that I took since last Oct which ended this Oct. I barely had any time to update my blog. Most of the time was spent on studying and doing assignments.

Yesterday, I met my cousins after a long long time (may be 10years). They are of my age and they have children, some of whom are teenagers. K brought up her children single-handedly and now they are teenagers. Must have been a struggle for her but she should thank her parents for helping her.

V has 2 children, one is 9 and the other is only 2. They too have their ups and downs but I guess on the surface, building the family and preserving it is of utmost importance.

I've got nothing to say of myself. Age is catching up on me and I don't think I should wait till this dream is fulfilled. I've come to a stage where I've got to forego this dream, as I've got to realise that some dreams go unfuilfilled and I've got to face this stark reality. Although my achievments are gratifying for me, I loose out on having a family. Not everyone gets married and has familiy in this world. Some of them go unmarried and God has destined that will be one of them.

Sometimes I Wish

2008-09-11T02:20:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wish someone will just approach me to befriend me.

Why am I still single? I look ok, but why am I still single?

I use to take the same path to and from work for so many years. Why have I not encountered some nice guys approaching me to befriend me? It has happened to some. Does this mean that the expectations of men today is high?

I can't doll up myself for such a thing to happen.

I just want to look reasonably good when I get out of my house and this is what I have been doing, but nothing interesting has happened so far.

This shows that men give importance to physical beauty/attraction. If you are pretty, you are damned lucky. Pretty girls do not need brains. They flaunt themselves and they get what they want. It's so easy for them.

Whereas for people like me (even when I think that I'm reasonably good looking)we need to try very hard. I mean, increasing our circle of friends etc. etc. until one day, I just gave up cause the good ones are already taken up.

I'm Feeling Lousy Today

2008-09-11T02:15:00.000-07:00

Do not know why, but am feeling lousy today.

Last night I received a letter from SIM about my convocation. I did not open the envelope. Just do not have the mood to go for the graduation. What's the point of upgrading myself when I cannot get a job related to the area of my specialisation.

Can you believe it? I am going to study again. Life is going to be boring again. No social life, no friends for the next 1 year. Do not know if I will reap the results of my hard work at least this time.

I Feel So Unlucky And Useless

2008-07-15T20:57:00.001-07:00

Oh I feel so useless and feel that I'm the most unluckiest person on earth.

Sometimes I just feel like ending my life. It's so embrassing to have gotten a degree and not being successful in any single interview. Will I be rejected because of my poor grades in school? But I put in a lot of effort for this degree. I have been searching for a suitable job since Jan 08 and till now have not been successful. Some people have all the luck in the world. I feel that I'm very unlucky. I messed up my whole life by choosing the wrong life partner 2x. First one lasted for only 3 months and 2nd one for 1yr. I have caused embarrassment for my family and relatives. I have been the subject of ridicule all these years. Will life be smooth sailing for me from now onwards? I doubt so. If it has been so difficult and I'm used to it, will God allow the sudden change in my life? He'd rather give happiness to those in need more than me. I'm too old for any happiness.
I'm so disillussioned to the extent that I do not have the urge to see E. It has been more that a month since I saw him. I do not want to infect him with my ill luck.

Every incident in life is a lesson learnt. I've learnt that life outside is so harsh.

Why I Should Leave

2008-07-15T20:18:00.000-07:00

Reasons why I should leave my current job

1. Whenever the photocopier jams, they call me.
2. Whenever the printer gets jammed, they call me.
3. Whenever they need stationary requisition, they call me.
4. Whenever they need to do car park reservation, they call me (when they can do it themselves)
5. Whenever they need to do meeting room reservation, they call me (when they can do it themselves)
6. Whever a new staff is introduced, I'm bypassed and the HR staff would go on looking for other officers (graduate level only) to introduce them to. Am I transparent or am I part of the furniture in the office?
7. There is this senior officer who called all other Indians for a temple prayer but left me out just because last year I ignored her invitation for her temple prayer. It's sad but I have to take it with a pinch of salt.
8. The PA here does not go on leave when her boss is away. She ensures that she comes to work when her boss is away so that she can shake legs. She chooses to go on leave when boss is in the office the whole day. When I cover the PA I notice that the most busiest period is when the boss is in when boss needs to make calls and take calls.
9.PA comes claims to come in at 7.30am when her boss arrives only at 9.30am. PA shakes legs from 7.30am till 9.30am and then goes back home at 4.30pm. From 4.30 onwards, almost everyday people assume that I cover her, which is unfair as this would mean that I cover her almost every day.
10. I just got my 2nd divorce and I need to submit the doc to HR division. If I do that, this will make tongues wag and I will be the subject of gossip. I just wish it would be timely for me to leave so that I can start fresh in a new organisation.
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What a Quirky World

2008-07-07T03:02:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, 6 July, M. called me to say that she is successful for the teaching post, but she knows nuts about teaching poetry and prose. It's very painful to know that such people get trusted for such jobs whereas I, who is so much better than her, get booted out just like that. I'm so sad that I cried. I feel useless now. I don't feel like going for my graduation this October. What's the point when no one recognises the effort I've put in all these years. A friend told me it's because of my pint size that I did not get the teaching job. I've had enough to blame myself and to add on, now, I've got to blame myself for having born small and not getting the job as my size gives others an impression that I'm not suited for the job.

Another Rejection

2008-06-30T05:33:00.000-07:00

I thought I should start giving tuition. I applied for a tutor's post with an agency. I was told that there was a vacancy to teach a small group. I was happy but my happiness was shortlived. "Which college were you from?" asked the administerator during my interview. "I'm from a private school" I replied. "I'm surprised" he said. I was wondering why the surprise when I've come this far?

I did not get the job. It could be because I came from a private school. I worked extremely hard to come this far. Nobody would understand that I guess.

I had to face rejection after rejection. I told myself to treat this incident positively as I did not like the look of the centre.

The Day That I Won't Forget

2008-06-30T05:27:00.000-07:00

April 18 is when I received the rejection letter. Depression set in. I wanted to be lonely. 10 years before, I was not this depressed but the feeling was almost the same (it was for a totally different reason). My friends got it. I felt lousy for the first time. I had to face reality. The real harsh life. For people like me, it is so hard to get something that I want or rather, wanted in my whole life. For some others, it's so easy to get.

Must Learn To Let Go

2008-04-16T00:54:00.000-07:00

So many incidents have happened since. I was called for MOE interview and was elated that I was shortlisted. However, the interview went bad! Real bad! I feel so stupid and lousy and all the bad thoughts about myself have been creeping in me lately. I have to start doing contingency plans from now onwards.

Last night, I met Liz and frends. There was a conversation on relationships that really awoke me. There is this girl who knows that her boyfriend is not the one for her but she still clings to him hoping that he would change his mind and marry her one day. There are tell tale signs too in my relationship that are negative but I'm just going with the flow. I'm confused and directionless now. What shall I do? Do men care less on the woman he loves? NO. Never! This should'nt happen. Maybe I don't meet his expectations because I'm a rotten scumbag. Not worth loving and caring for. Why am I meeting men of the same kind? Is it co-incindence? or is it fated? Why do nasty women get good men and good women end up getting nasty men? Oh Darn! This is a superficial world!!

The Book That I Just Read - The Kite Runner

2008-02-18T20:36:00.000-08:00

THE KITE RUNNER
KHALED HOSSEINI

Hassan and Amir are childhood friends. Hassan is contemptuously called “the Hazara boy” in his neighborhood and this name calling has been ingrained in him that it has been a part and parcel of his life and he has accepted to live with it as if it was destined for him.

Amir dislikes the attention his dad gives to Hassan and whenever he can, he tries to divert the attention from Baba (Amir’s father) as far as he could. Between Amir and Hassan, Amir is educated and intelligent whereas the Hazara boy Hassan was not educated. However, Hassan was more courageous and knew the skills of society’s harshness even when he was not educated. However, Amir the educated one lacked such knowledge as the books did not teach him how to react otherwise when threatened.

Baba (Amir’s father) was not a religious man as all Afghan men are known to be. He seems to be a modernist. He consumes alchol and the lesson learnt in this novel is, “stealing is the greatest sin of all”. The climax of the novel occurs during the kit flying festival. This is a triumphant moment when, with the help and skill of Hassan, Amir won the tournament. However, darkness gloomed over the triumph when Amir witnesses Hassan being raped by a rogue, Asef; mainly because he wanted to settle old scores (for hurting Asef when he bullied Amir once) and also because he, being a Hazara boy, had the courage to hurt Asef.

From then onwards, Amir treated Hassan differently. This was because he witnessed the whole incident without helping his best friend. Hassan had helped him numerous times when in need, but Amir could not because he did not have the courage to fight the thugs. After this incident, both friends gradually drifted apart with their own differences. Amir’s guilt overwhelmed him so much that he even attempted to put notes under Hassan’s blanket to frame Hassan for theft. Baba did not believe that Hassan would ever steal but this incident took a turn when Hassan and his father Ali decided to move out.

Once Ali and Hassan moved out, Baba and Hassan moved out too as Afghanistan was not as before and it was getting impossible to live in. They risked their lives by traveling to Pakistan in a crowded, stuffy tank full of people who were all seeking refuge to Pakistan. The next moment, the readers are taken to America where Baba is proud to see Amir graduating. Amir marries but his wife is unable to conceive and he blames himself for being selfish during his childhood days for ill treating his friend Hassan by not helping him when he was in danger.

Rahim Khan, Baba’s business partner invited Amir to Afghanistan to see him for the last time. He broke the news that Hassan is married but is already dead. He was shot at gunpoint by the Taliban leaving his son Sohrab an orphan. Sohrab was living in an orphanage but the orphanage was run under inexplicable condition where there was insufficient money to run the orphanage. As a result, the owner of the orphanage had to resort to sell an orphan or two to the Talibans for money. That was how Sohrab was sold too. Moreover, Amir learnt that Hassan was his half brother and Baba had an affair with Ali’s wife after Baba’s wife had died. Amir was shocked that this truth was kept from him and Hassan throughout their lives. Amir decided that it was time that he does some good deed for Sohrab.

Amir sought to meet the Taliban chief to get Sohrab and found out that it was Asef. Asef wanted to settle old scores in return for Sohrab and they engage in a duel. Sohrab witnessed the fight where Amir was receiving blow after blow and was becoming weak. Sohrab then took a catapult and shot at Asef’s eye. The impact was so great that it made Asef’s eye ball pop out. While Asef was writhing in pain, Amir fleed with Sohrab. Amir was hospitalized for the weeks for the injuries from the fight. Once Amir almost recovered, he and his wife Soraya decided to adopt him. However, as Afghanistan was in turmoil, Amir could not get proof that Hassan and his wife were indeed dead and without which, Afghan law will not allow Sohrab to leave Afghanistan as this will prevent Afghan’s heritage flourishing. The lawyer Amir sought advised that one possibility was to let Sohrab live in an orphanage for a while and then proceed to adopt Sohrab from there. When Sohrab heard this, he was devastated because, he refused to go back to the orphanage as he too, like his father was raped. This let Sohrab to attempt suicide by slashing his wrist with a blade, for which, he almost died.

Soraya did her research from America and found out that it was possible to bring Sohrab to America once visa is granted to him. From America, other aspects were taken care of for his adoption. Sohrab went to America, reluctantly as his heart and soul was in Afghanistan. In America, he appeared to be reserved and kept to himself as if he had lost something in life. Even Amir and Soraya have forgotten how he sounded. Nothing could make him happy, until one day, during an Afghan New Year celebration; kites were flown by the children there. Amir coaxed Sohrab to join him and taught him how to fly the kite and that was the first time Amir saw a slight smile in Sohrab’s face.

_______________________________________________________________________
My Comments

I enjoyed reading this novel but one inconvenience was coming across Afghan words in the novel. It would be good if the author had a glossary of words with their meanings or even a footnote to explain the meanings. I know that the meanings of the words are explained, as the story is narrated, but I just seem to forget the words. When I came across the same words as I read along, I seem to forget what the meanings of the words were. So, it would have been good to have a glossary of Afghan words explaining the meanings. I know that this would disrupt the flow of reading the novel but this would enable the readers to remember Afghan words better.

Besides this, this book is a good read that shows an insight of peaceful Afghan life in the 1970s and the segregation of certain groups in the Afghan community. Baba’s character is portrayed as a modernist and this created a twist from the norm. This character of Baba can be subjective, but I liked it. There is a moment when Amir who had not prayed for years starts to pray when Sohrab is hospitalized and when Amir says that God is not everywhere but can only be in hospitals is very insightful. It is true that it is only in the hospitals where we seek God for miracles to happen. Even doctors are regarded as Gods out of desperation.

Meaning of Flowers

2008-02-14T18:27:00.000-08:00

Roses - Love
Orchids - A belle
Iris - My compliments
Daisies - Innocence
Tulips - Declaration of love
Calla Lily - Beauty
Amaryllis - Splendid beauty
Hydrangea - Heartfelt
Anthurium - Hospitality
Daffodils - Chivalry
Chrysanthemums - Fidelity
Carnations - Pride and beauty
Lilacs - Youthful innocence
Birds of Paradise - Joyfulness
Tiger Lily - Wealth, pride
Peony - Bashful
Anemone - Anticipation
Sunflowers - Pure thoughts
Aster - Patience
Gladiolus - Strength of character

Valentine's Day? Why The Hype?

2008-02-11T22:55:00.000-08:00

Do you need a day out of the 365 days in a year to express your love to your loved ones?

Just because everyone else or even the whole world is celebrating, does that mean that you too have to follow suit?

Why can't you give 999 red roses on other days? Why must it be only on Valentines day?

Valentine's day is celebrated to commemorate the death of St Valentine? Why can't we celebrate lover's day when Romeo died in Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet? Or even celebrate 'Lover's Day' by celebrating the anniversary of the erection of the monument, Taj Mahal?

The celebration of Valentine's Day is in fact an influence of Western culture, resulting in a consumerist culture. This is an excellent time where shops escalate the prices of cards, gifts, flowers and candys. I'm sure all of us want to be part of the group. No one wants to loose out and all those singles out there do not want to make it look as if we are the unwanted ones?

As for me, my best Valentine's gift will to receive a kiss and a hug from your special someone. I'm not materialistic but this will never happen because i'll be celebrating Valentine's day all by myself.

Do not fret if you are single. Just read a romantic novel that will bring you through an imaginative world. It's not expensive to indulge in imagination! It would be fun and that's what I'll be doing this Valentine's day. I'm going to spend some of my time in the library reading a romantic novel (although I do not like romantic novels)

This is how I'll spend my time on 14 Feb 08

9am to 1pm - Work

1pm to 6pm - Staff Conference

6pm to 10pm - Library@Victoria Street [you can catch me there if you want to see me:)]

10pm - end of Valentine's Day.

Why so much hype over just one day? To all those singles out there, life still goes on no matter what.

Article on Time Mag

2008-02-04T19:41:00.000-08:00

This morning I read an article on Time Magazine (Dated 4 Feb) on "coupling". I even took the "Thermometer of Love" test and was surprised to see that in most places I gave the highest point (i.e 9).

These are the following questions asked

1. I would feel deep despair if ____left me (Definitely true)
2. Sometimes I feel I can't control my thoughts; they are obsessively about _____. (Moderately true)
3. I feel happy when I am doing something to make _______happy (Definitely true)
4. I would rather be with _____than anyone else. (Moderately true)
5. I'd get jealous if I thought ____were falling in love with someone else. (Definitely true)
6. I yearn to know all about ________. (
7. I want ______physically, emotionally, mentally (Definitally true)
8. I have an endless appetite for affecton from ____
9. For me, ____ is the perfect romantic partner (Not at all true)
10. I sense my body responding whten ______touches me (Definitely true)
11. ___always seems to be on my mind (Definitely true)
12. I want _____ to know me-my thought, fears and hopes.
13. I eagerly look for signs indicating _____'s desire for me.
14. I possess a powerful attractrion for _______.
15. I get extremely depressed when things don't go right in my relationship with ____

I feel that those who choose to remain single and claim that God's love and parents love are sufficient are just fooling themselves. Falling in love and being in love with your 'special someone' is the best thing that can ever happen to anyone. It's a differnt type of indescribable feeling. For me, it's not more of the lure of your partner's smell but it's more the physical contact, the embrace, the locking of lips and many more.

The Day I Was Lucky

2008-01-09T19:43:00.000-08:00

I signed up for our Dinner & Dance just for the Gym bag. I did not like working at where I am now, so I'm usually not interested to attend company functions. Firstly, was disappointed with Jes because she did not tell me that she is performing until I heard it from Ms Kaur the caring Personal Assistant. Ms Kaur wore a sleeveless top and I made a simple hairstyle for her. She looked pretty.

I saw Jes perform with M&M. The performance was good. Jes wore sleeveless and she looked so different with her wig.

I was bored to death as the acoustics were bad and I could not hear a thing that was going on stage.

I was disappointed that night as Ms Kaur took the only gym bag that was there and I could not get one for myself. I know that I can get it when I am back to work on Monday, but I've helped Ms Kaur a lot. Only I know how much I had helped her. I expected herto give me the gym bag, since I frequent the gym and she can get one on Monday. However, she did not do that. She felt lucky and kept the bag for herself. I told myself not be petty but I learnt something about her. People only care about themselves. I cared for her and made her feel better when she was going through a marriage crisis. I realised that this is a selfish world. All she wants now is to get her husband back and am sure she will kick me off when she is with her husband.

I am not petty about the gym bag but I feel that people are selfish and only care for themselves and for their wellbeing. I told myself that I am not going to listen to any of her marriage problems as she has got Liz. to listen.

Anyway, I won the first prize i.e. 500 Isetan voucher. I feel that since I do not mean harm to anyone, I deserve it. Ms Kaur told me that others did not clap as i got on stage but I am not bothered. They are a bunch of nincompoops who are jealous of me. Let them be jealous and this jealousy will destroy them gradually.

My Suspicion Is Correct

2007-12-17T18:05:00.000-08:00

I remember I mentioned about the true friend in this blog sometime ago. I just found out that the true friend is my boyfriend's ex-wife's sister. I suspected this long ago and the truth was out during a casual talk with her. I have been very upset for the past 3 days and since I know the truth there is nothing to confront him about his ex-wife.

BUT..something else my friend told me has been nagging me all these days...I've been loosing sleep these few day over it. It looks like my boyfriend got into a second marriage immediately after the 1st one and got a child. I'm not sure how far this is true because my friend is my boyfriend's other woman's sister and of course she will have many bad things to say about him. But I do not know why but I still do not hate him even if it is true and this information has been withheld from him. I must get the truth out somehow. It's all in my hands and do not want my girlfriend to be in any kind of trouble. I'm contemplating on how to go about asking him about my suspicion.

I have been truthful to him so far and I know for myself that I am not a bad person at all and my relationship with him was all with good intention. If he tells me the truth, my respect for him will be there forever!! and this is the truth.

What I'm Reading Now

2007-12-11T18:58:00.000-08:00

Finished reading Jodi Picoult's "My Sister's Keeper"

I have heard a lot about Jodi Picoult and her novels and always wanted to read her novel until recently when my friend Lisa passed me the book and I was caught by surprise. She did not tell me that she was bringing Jodi Picoult's book for me to read.

The novel is told in different perspectives like Anna, Campbel, Sara and Jess. This helps the reader understand the feelings and inner turmoil of the characters in the novel.

The plot is unique where Anna takes legal action against her parents for making use of her body to save her sister Kate's life. Readers were surprised that Anna's birth was scientifically designed just to help Kate. Anna was poked and prodded within a few months of her birth and this can be sad.

Picoult did not offer much in Kate's perspective but I feel that it would be good if we knew how Kate felt about the whole thing where Anna has to keep saving her forever.

Picoult added a bit of fairytale where Kate fell in love with another terminally ill guy who went for dates and dance. This development really makes her parents proud as her parents felt that Kate would never be able to go for dates like an ordinary teenager or even see her graduate (as she was terminally ill).

Another fairytale in Picoult's novel is that Sara (Anna and Kate's mum) is an attorney too who was able to express how she felt as a mother during the court's trials.

The end of the novel was also a fairy tale. Picoult choose to kill Anna (the angel) and her kidneys were just right for Kate who survived in the end.

Does this mean that Scientifically designed kids are not natural and eventually be taken away from us because we use them for selfish means?

What Have I Achieved

2007-12-11T18:39:00.000-08:00

It's already Dec 08 and here is a list of my achievements :

1) Got my basic degree in Eng Lang and Lit in Sep 08 (after 6 long years of part-time studies)

2) This was the year that I had high scores for my assignments (Shooting right up to 80 marks)

3) Donned the graduation gown, walking down the aile making my parents proud of me at least for once.

4) Got myself to speakup at work for my rights when some reforms affected me and my work

5) Have lent a listening ear to my friends Geeta, Jasbir and even Rash (and am proud of that) and have also given them good advise

6) Made good friends at SIM this year when it is also my final year(Lisa, Siti, Shifa and Hidayh)

7) At least attempted to keep in touch with Gen (but got wiered replyfrom her, but I'm not bothered)

Things that I've got to achieve by Dec 09

1) Own a HDB flat and stay independently

2) Get a job of my dreams with full satisfaction

3) Be confident of myself (despite my flaws which is not my fault at all)

4) Wish that at least now I'll know who my prince charming would be. Think it would be now or never!

5) Not to brood over how life has been so far but also able to face things with a lightheartedness!

What Is Beauty?

2007-11-23T11:26:00.000-08:00

Why is so much emphasis given to beauty? Isn't it well known that beauty is only skin deep and that all of us will come to a stage where we all get old and loose the physical beauty? Didn't we all study this in school and bring this message to life?

So much emphasis is given to beauty because of the media. If you are a fair woman, you are beautiful. Look at all the bollywood and kollywood stars. They are all fair and beautiful. For ages, this has been the case. In these movies, its okay to have a dark complexioned hero as he is called "black beauy". But the Indian media cannot accept dark complexioned heroines. This has been going on for ages and now, I have reached a point that this is not life and this is not realistic.

In reality Indian women are generally tanned or dark complexioned. If the film or TV chooses dark complexioned women, they are usually portrayed as someone who is disadvantaged because she is dark complexioned and is not needed by anyone. She will never be a heroine but holds a sister character or an aunty who is single and even when she is married, her husband seeks other woman because she is ugly.

When will Indian society change it's mindset in thinking that being dark is indeed beautiful? I have seen many dark complexioned women who are beautiful but why are these people not ready to see the beauty in them? Even the Western media has dark complexioned women for their tvs and films.

These stereotypes are created by the media which affects our society so much so that for many Indian families, being fair is advantageous and considered marketable and being dark complexioned is like a jinx and brandes as "hopless case".

This reality has set in me because I am a dark complexioned Indian women who looks pretty because I have beautiful eyes. I am not self praising myself, but many..many..many people have told me this and I know this is my asset. BUT...mind you. I can't get married mainly because according to my Indian community, I am dark complexioned and it would be difficult for me to get a suitable match. Sometimes I cannot find a reason to why I was ever born this way. Majority of the men go for fair complexioned Indian women. One of the criteria they lay for finding a suitable match is for their bride to be fair complexioned. Surprisingly, somehow they lead a happily married life with the women of their choice because they cherish thier wifes just because they got what they wanted. What if the "fair" women has a "dark" character? Oh...it's ok...such characters can be adjusted. He'd rather live in misery then to leave her because his friends and family have considered him to be lucky because his wife is fair and pretty. Of course, he feels proud to walk with her beside him. This is life. It's bitter but it happens.

Even average people like me are left on the shelf and have to succumb to comments because of my dark complexion. I'm not materialistic, I'm not possessive but I yearn for love and to be cared for, to be kissed, to be held and to do things together with my partner, but guess this will never happen because who cares what you want? These men only care how you look.

When will there be a time when people appreciate the inner beauty in you? This would be a time where I will discard all my make up and walk freely without wanting to look pretty. This will be a time when I am the most confident person in the whole wide world. This will be a time when you have friends for not how you look but for what you are.